"MoFo" weekend in LA

Ty Campbell & Stick Figure

(A weekend in LA- 2003)

Instead of heading straight home to Sacramento from a job in Louisville, I flew to Los Angeles. I was pretty pumped as I was heading for a date to see son, Tyler and his group perform at a concert on Sunset Strip in Hollywood. His band; “Stick Figure”, later known as “Sixteen Switch.” 

Stick Figure/Sixteen Switch circa '03

Much, much earlier I went to my first, and I thought my last, rock concert in LA in 1970. I was in the Air Force, stationed at March Air Force Base so wife Julieann and I were in Riverside, California. My brother David was visiting. He was a teenager and we were still pretty young ourselves so we decided to take him to see Iron Butterfly and Canned Heat in action. Their concert was held at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles.

We liked all that music but didn’t often (ever) go to concerts so I decided to mark the occasion by trying to get us some of the best tickets in the house. Our seats were right on the floor of the Forum where the Lakers played basketball at the time. We were around 50 feet from the stage and the sound engineers were behind us dialing in the noise.  

It was a fine concert but the sound was so loud my ears were ringing when we left and they still are today, over 45 years later. So, I wasn’t thinking I would ever go to another concert. Yet there was another and I had to attend that weekend  in '03. So, I got my trusty earplugs packed in Louisville and flew straight to Los Angeles.  

The Key Club show would be one concert TC (very senior) just had to see but before I lay it out, a little on how TC Jr. got there. About a year earlier Tyler had auditioned with a local Sacramento band that had lost their lead singer. The band’s name; “Stick Figure” and their type of music; sort of “Metal-reggae rap” and yes, the lyrics are pretty explicit. 

They picked him so he added “band practice” to his college and work schedule. After a couple of months or so of practice, they began playing local clubs. Mom, Dad and Sister would go occasionally. The band did a good job and kept improving.

A couple month’s ago, their agent who was an engineer by day and promoter/agent by night got them set up to open for Ice-T’s group, “Bodycount” at the Key Club in LA. You may know Ice-T as an actor who plays a cop on the TV series, Law and Order and also as a rapper who stirred a lot of controversy in the early rap music days for a song titled “Cop Killer."

So, everybody got fired up and we checked out the Key Club on the web. We found it right on Sunset Strip, in a group of music clubs and just a few blocks down from the Whiskey a Go-Go that Johnny Rivers made famous a couple of million years ago.

The Key Club was named “Club of the Year” in LA the year before and had hosted, among others, Santana and Sarah McLaughlin so it sure looked respectable enough for Julieann, daughter Samantha and her best pal, Ashley to attend.

Of course, we didn’t expect reverent chamber music so we weren’t surprised to see that this particular booking was limited to those age 16 and over. But, I knew Samantha, having an eight-year older brother, was quite educated on things scatological and Ashley couldn’t be too far behind. These were two very bright, athletic girls who excelled in everything and knew more about life than I did when I was thirty.

So I, being the ultra-conservative, over protecting father I was (yeah right), called the club to see it there was any way I could get one of their performer’s underage sister and “cousin” in that night. They were very kind and suggested I fax an explanatory note to their manager. I heard right back from them. It was “fine”; they would hold our seats for us and sit us on the restaurant level of the club. On the second floor lever, it overlooked the stage and main floor of the club and sounded pretty good to me.

With bassist Joel at Key Club
(Note Ice T's Body Count case lower right)

Then, a couple of weeks earlier, TC and his group played a couple of shows in Fresno. “Ernie C”, Bodycount’s lead guitar player watched them and told Tyler he thought they would do fine in their LA performance. That is when I started believing it might really happen. I was a little suspicious before.

I had a couple of free nights from all my road warrior duty as a traveling consultant so we booked a room a few miles from the Strip at the Los Angeles Marriott and we were ready to roll!

Somehow, we all ended up there on Friday night. Julieann, Samantha and Ashley had driven from Sacramento after school. I flew in from Louisville and Tyler and his group arrived in a couple of other vehicles. 

The concert wasn’t until Saturday night so we had a good day of goofing around in anticipation. We dropped the girls off for a day at the Universal Studios theme park while Julie and I went out for a little run around the area to rehash the old days when we used to live not far away. Ty hung out with his group as they collectively recovered from partying Friday night on the Strip.

Julie and I ended up having breakfast at the famous Farmer’s Market, cruising Sunset Strip, Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, and hiking the Santa Monica pier so we had a pretty full day. We ran into TC and his group while walking on the pier, a damn fine surprise. TC made fun of my surfer shirt and I made fun of his outfit: situation normal.

The ladies and I hit the Key Club at 8pm, right when I was advised they would let us in. We noticed there was a line outside all the clubs we saw there on the Strip and ours was no exception. Even though it was sold out, we had to wait while they did something to get the inside ready.

While we were standing there, we noticed this fairly large, electronic marquee in front. Right there, underneath Bodycount, was the name of one other group and…Stick Figure! In Hollywood no less! We were definitely dazzled.

Then, a guy in line behind us asked Samantha where she got this backward baseball cap she was wearing. She said, “at the Mall” as the guy was wondering if he could buy one there at the Club. TC had it made as a present for his sister. On the front it was embroidered with “Stick Figure”.  On the back, “Campbell”.

We finally got in after Julieann waited patiently (yeah, right) for fifteen minutes or so with us. Security was fair as they were patting down the younger guys. Don’t know why they didn’t check me as I was thinking I was pretty tough looking? We were then shown to the second, restaurant level. It looked like all the seats there were reserved.  The place was pretty new inside and the restaurant level was nicely appointed. We sat at a booth immediately above the stage and had a great, eagle eye view.

Ty’s group played second and there were five bands total that night. I would say the place was around half full when they came on and the crowd was pretty responsive to them. They had a good-sized stage so Ty and the others could move around well.

When they were setting up, Ty looked up at us and we exchanged waves. Samantha attempted to show me the proper way to do it but it was too late.  Then I yelled the old classic showbiz line down to Ty, “Break a leg!” Sam then attempted to educate me that the current line is “F___ up!” but that advice was also too late. 

Tyler and bass man Joel - Key Club '03

There were two sound engineers facing the stage on our level to guide things and the show was terrific to watch. They had about 30 minutes for their set and the second song they did was one Ty wrote.  Mom told me she was very proud. Ty looked like he was having a terrific time, the crowd enjoyed them and lots of Stick Figure demo cd’s were tossed out to them afterward.

It turned out they had a couple of radio stations interview them afterward and Ty had to come up and borrow a pen for autographs! I asked him if he had a good time during one of his visits to us upstairs and he said, “There was nothing I didn’t like about it”.

After a couple of other bands, Bodycount came on and Ice-T “MF’d” just about everyone and everything in the whole world.  Of course, all the preceding bands did their best to support him by doing pretty much the same thing. And I was thinking, they are cheapening the use of the word. Now, how will it have any shock impact when I use it?!

About that time, the head banger crowd on the floor downstairs was “moshing” fairly out of control. I had read about this before but it’s the kind of thing that doesn’t have full effect without being witnessed live. In the "pit," the routine called for arms flailing, stumbling around in circles, shoving the folks nearby and generally looking frenzied. One of Ty’s long time pals, “PB”had made the trip with the band. He is a big man and when he stepped on the mosh floor he was tossing bodies all over the place. It was serious mayhem and PB was totally in charge. It looked a little like a final review of a written contract proposal when I am trying to manage my client’s crowd of very reluctant participants.  

But that’s what it is all about. Most everyone was smiling and, when someone would fall down, someone else, including PB would reach to help them get up. It was fascinating stuff to watch and very good to watch from a safe distance.

Ice-T and his entourage drove the show very hard. It was tough-assed, in-your-face music with abundant "Mf's" in the lyrics. There was a little kid, 5 or 6 maybe, on the side of the stage with them (someone told us it was Ice-T’s son). What was that all about?  And what kind of environment was that for a little kid? The music for the final act was really loud though my earplugs were doing the job. I was thinking, by the time that he is 9 years old, he will be “Mfing” all over the place and deaf to boot.

A couple of funny things happened while Bodycount was on.  Once, a guy was lifted to “surf” the top of the mosh crowd and they slid him right onto the front of the stage. He got up and started having ‘mosh pit spasms’ right there.  Then, this huge bodyguard swept the little fella’ right up in his arms and he was carried, arms and legs flailing all the while, right off stage left. I never saw him again.

A little while after that, another mosher suddenly appeared stage left, ran past Ice-T to the front of the stage and threw himself out to body surf the crowd. He went down pretty quick and I am not sure if I heard a “clunk” as he hit the floor or not.

Now, I am wondering if that stage stuff was real, or whether it was staged. If it was staged, it was very cleverly orchestrated and either way, it was a gas.

We left before Bodycount was finished because they were much louder than the other groups and we also wanted to be well clear of the Club when the moshers were ready to close it up.

So, we got in the Jeep and my sainted wife of almost 34 years was all fired up. She couldn’t get over all the “Mfn” that was going on.  She was trying it out for herself for affect, that is, the word itself and different abbreviations. I am busy telling them all that the word has been overused now and has no value. Then, Sam pipes in and reminds her Mom the current, correct abbreviated reference is “MoFo”, pronounced with a couple of  hard ”o’s”.  

Sixteen Switch - '04

So, what did I think about all this? I may have regained some innocence (or maybe the correct term is ignorance) over the years.  I was also wondering why my daughter had to spend her formative years learning vocabulary from her brother. Furthermore, what would I do with this wife who was busy trying out different ways to turn the sky blue?  As the old saying goes, “nothing is sacred.” The Campbell’s sure did their collective part to contribute to that expression over the weekend.  

Epilogue 2017: Some time later, Tyler left Sixteen Switch and formed his own band, Arden Park Roots. Four albums and years later, that story is all over Google.  Julieann, Samantha and I are still attending concerts and I remain among the world’s oldest groupies.

TC and JC’s Invasion of Italy

First, to set the record straight I had a chaperone; Julieann Marie Campbell.  This is good because the outcome could have otherwise been worse.  Much, much worse.  Let’s get right to the record though:  

Top Ten Things I Learned in Italy

1. Scooter’s rule the inner cities. They bob and weave through traffic like little Muhammad Ali’s of the motorbike world. Almost half are fearless women. All wear helmets and keep their pipes muffled (Italian laws). In smaller towns, where the new (less than 600 year old) roads are smoother, bicycles rule.
2. Gelato is a health food. This is a lucky thing because I was forced to consume several (don’t ask who made me… it was an inner calling).
3. “House Red” is a high end wine order…and it’s ten times better than a US “house red”. Unless you order the watered down version at a self service restaurant – there the house red is actually a watered down faint pink that is the most tasteless drink ever invented by man. 
4. Italian sculptors knew anatomy and proportion much better than “Bo knows football”. Michaelangelo was definitely the best. He began studying when he was barely a teen and completed the Piata before he was 24! He completed the David (yes, of David and Goliath fame) before he was 30! In contrast, I completed college before I was 30… duh.  
5. Italian artists, especially those from 500 or so years ago were absolute masters of light and shadow. It was they who invented 3-D and you don’t even need special glasses to see it. If you doubt this, just check out some of the frescoes in the ceilings of their cathedrals.
6. Ninety percent of the tiles laid in the world reside inside Italian churches.  
7. A “million dollar view” in Italy costs just that. More or less. Most likely more.  It’s not just the Euro either… it’s good old real estate speculation as well.
8. Twelve dollars (8 euros) for a Bitburger tall draft beer is a good deal… at least in comparison to a small Bud light purchased in the Sacramento Kings basketball arena.
9. The expression “beautiful people” originated from external observations of Italian women and men, especially Italian women. At least until the age of forty when the high carbohydrate diet effect tends to kick in.
10. The expression, “Holy S___!!!” was first heard when an American visitor entered Saint Peter’s Basilica over 200 years ago. It is not in fact, “overwhelming” as many people claim. It is rather, much more than that and words don’t cover “much more.” 
11. What…You think I would stop at ten?  C’mon!
12. Piazzas rank among the top rubbernecking spots in the world. These are large squares typically ringed by multistory apartment buildings, street level cafes and vendors…people and pigeons (yes, both types) wandering all over.  The best we were in was the Piazza del Campo in Sienna where a great silent comic worked the passing crowd in front of us as we sipped the world’s best cappuccinos’ at an outdoor café. There is a brief YouTube video on him that is pretty good but it does not capture his facial expressions and they are priceless… http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3124026964050580997    
13. When I go to heaven (yeah right), I want to grab a few bottles of “House Red” and sit down to shoot the bull with Michelangelo, Da Vinci, and Raphael.  
14. I also want to meet some of the day laborers who set millions of nail-head size marble chips in the floor and wall mosaics of Italy’s churches. As Jack Sender and I were speculating, some of those guys must have spent their entire lives working on them for what… maybe a meal or two a day? They must have had calluses on their knees the thickness of a baseball mitt. Many of these are in intricate mosaics that must have taken generations to complete. Picture this:  “Tom, we will give you a meal a day and a rock to sleep on if you will simply inlay tiny fingernail size pieces of marble in our mosaics from now until you die”. Sounds like an offer I wouldn’t be able to refuse!
15. Ninety-three point four percent of the world’s bricks are imbedded in the floors, ceilings and walls of Italian buildings. Just like fingerprints, no two are absolutely alike.
16. Contrary to popular opinion, 90% of Italian men have taken to wearing jeans… the other 10% wear custom made suits that cost 1,000 euros ($3,000,000 US).

    

    The Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore
    Duomo to your right.  If you click it, you can better see
    the tiny specks (people) on the top deck.

17. If you have a pair of Docker slacks cleaned twice in Italy, you will have equaled the U.S. cost of a replacement pair.
18. In Rome, the recommended “safe distance” to maintain from the car or scooter in front of you is 1.5 inches. If you open this gap any further a darting scooter will immediately fill it.
19. The Hertz “Never Lost” device contains a nice little lady who will always softly correct your dumb mistakes and make sure you don’t die of frustration before your time. This especially true in Italy, where streets follow no pattern and a name can change 5 times within 5 fairly straight blocks. 
20. You cannot master a small, passing Italian vocabulary without also learning the “masculine and feminine” form. I have been trying to learn the "feminine form" (youknowwhatimeanVern?) all my life and have been unsuccessful so I will never know Italian.
21. Sometimes they charge you for the little appetizers or bread they serve with your drink order and sometimes they don’t. You get to guess.
22. Euros are composed of tiny little hungry nano devices that gobble up American currency at roughly a rate of two to one. Yes, even though the pitiful exchange rate is currently 1.65 US to 1 Euro you will still end up paying two to three times as much for an item. (See #8, the $12 Bitberger beer)
23. Millions of footsteps occurring over hundreds of years will eventually wear a path in marble. If you visit, you will get to help.
24. Little bitty autos named “Smart” are taking over the streets of Italy. They are so short you can often find them parked perpendicular to the sidewalk in a parallel parking area… honest! They also sell them right here in the US so get ready!
25. The difference between an ancient painting that has been cleaned and one that has not is remarkable. It makes you go from thinking the artists made poor choices in color to being convinced they were perfect.
26. Famous last words… “We just got in line because we wanted to see what all the other people were lined up for.” The sign said, “Entrance to the Duomo”. We had already been in the Florence cathedral but this sign was on the side and I thought it was just another floor view. Wrong. While in line, Julieann said, “Tom, I think I heard someone say this is the line for the climb to the top.” I thought that might be interesting…414 steps later we were there.

    

    Florence Duomo
    414 steps through this. 
    Inner dome to your right, outer to your left

    Along the way we worked through one-way shoulder width, dark, stone corridors that included gradual winding ways, compressed corkscrew turns and low ceiling, slanted walkways with iron side rails you had to use to work your way through. We emerged twice at interior levels and could see the cupola all the way to the tiny people on the floor near the altars. At the top there was a short climb where you had to wait for those going down to clear the stairs before you could go up. They then proceeded down through a completely separate corridor. Also at the top, there was probably room for forty or fifty people. After a couple of high-fives congratulating ourselves for making the climb alive, Julie and I had a beautiful, three hundred and sixty degree view of the city and countryside. It is a great, double-walled dome.
27. 150kmh is roughly 88mph. I like the way Italians drive on the Autostradas (toll roads). They generally move to the inside lane if they aren’t passing someone and they drop the hammer when they are in the hammer lane. Hertz had kindly upgraded us to a BMW for our trip so I spent a fair amount of time at 150kmh. Even at that, I was often passed by folks going much faster.
28. Tour groups in the very narrow streets of Italy are much like a tsunami… you must immediately take shelter and wait until they pass, otherwise you may get swept up and follow an unopened orange umbrella raised high in the air. 
29. Walk.  
30. Walk.
31. Walk.
32. Ok that’s it.  I am going to quit here because you are probably getting tuckered.  I know I am. 

Arrivederci!!