Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Luck Of The Draw - Where Poker Begins

Texas Hold'em poker tournaments are like a reflecting pool on life. Take a close look at the features of one and you may see most or all the features of the other.  I mean you don't choose anything about your start in life. Parents, race, location are all the luck of the draw right?  But they are all reflected in you. A poker tournaments begins the same way. You don't choose your seat.  Yet the game unfolds with many similarities to life.  And sometimes....sometimes it is almost to much to take in at once.

You walk up to the registration window, pay your entry fee and are handed a random card or ticket by the person there.  It tells you what table and what seat you are beginning the tournament with.  As the tournament progresses you may be moved around as part of a process the director uses to keep player numbers balanced at the tables.  Typically, this happens as other contestants are knocked out and there are fewer tables needed.

So your seat and table draw is where Lady Luck first enters the scene.  As the tournament progresses with "cards in the air" certain seats end up luckier than others.  Most often, momentum shifts among seats and the luck moves around.  This is most always the case but every once in while, the Lady hovers over one seat for a long, long time.  When this happens, even an average or below average player can run up a big stack of chips just going with the flow of cards.  In poker parlance, this is called a "heater" or a "run" and maybe some other names I am not familiar with.

On a recent Saturday at my local favorite haunt, Sacramento's Capital Casino, I witnessed a rare, extended run on a seat at a table near mine.  In my seven years of getting poker lessons (Yes Vern, each tournament is a lesson) I have seen maybe one other like it.

From what I could tell, the player was hitting everything he went for.  The proof was a huge stack of chips in comparison with the average stack among the rest of us.  I am guessing he had over 200,000 compared to an average of 20,000.  Over the years I had seen some great runs but quite as wild as this one...

But there was one thing I didn't notice as his action was going on behind me - I would just turn and look occasionally when the other players at his table would make a "holy crap he hit again" type noise like "OOOOOoooohhhhh!"  The thing I didn't notice, but heard about some time after, was that the player was so excited about his run of luck, he was ordering himself beers two at a time. (I should probably point out here that 99% or more poker players don't drink at all during a tournament.)

Then, it was fairly late in the tournament, only two tables left out of seven that started, maybe 20 players left out of seventy.  I noticed movement, looked up and saw our tournament director gently sliding the lucky player, who was passed out in his chair, away from our tables and into a corner of the casino.  I swear there was a smile on the player's face as he and his chair slid by.  The director then parked him in a corner where he slumped over his arms on a small table and appeared to be sleeping.

A few minutes later, he barfed all over the table and floor in front of him.  The director and pit boss then slid him and his chair out of the casino to the sidewalk and two security guards were assigned to watch over him.  The casino staff quickly cleaned up the mess and things sort of returned to normal.  What wasn't normal was the large stack of chips the player left in his original seat position.  This meant that he would be dealt hands that would be automatically folded by the dealer and that his chip stack would draw down as his turn for blinds and antes came around.

It wasn't long after that I was knocked out of the tournament and left.  A couple days later I asked the director how it all ended.  He told me the player remained passed out for about two and a half hours then recovered somewhat.  After some discussion, the director determined the player was capable of returning to the game so he did...with chips left of course.  The last three players, including the two-beer man with the lucky seat ended up chopping for a couple thousand dollars each.

There is a moral here somewhere I guess - sometimes Lady Luck will hang around and crown you even when you don't necessarily deserve it.

And yes Vern, the casino was practicing some seriously good customer service that day...

Monday, October 16, 2017

Quasimotor II - Butt Ugly


In the evolution of auto design "different" often seems the only goal...not so much "sleek" or "classic" or even at a minimum, "decent looking." It's like the folks in charge are saying; "Just make it different you pitiful designers. The new generation of buyers doesn't want anything that resembles the old...get it?!"

Recent cases in point include the cat-eye look of Lincolns, the high butt look of certain new model Jeeps and similar others, the patch job of odd mismatched geometric forms that is the Prius, the Lexus big-mouth (gulp!) look and the fast growing transformer look.

Examples?  Yup, there are plenty to choose from:

  • Lincoln MarkX - cat eyes.  I know, I know some like them... Makes me feel like should set out a litter box or there's gonna' be a big mess.



  • Jeep Trailhawk - Looks like they just didn't finish the design.  "Say...Aren't the tail lights a little high?!"


  • Prius - Busy...way too busy.  Looks like someone fell in love with boomerangs plus several other weird forms.  A crazy plastic template with lots of odd curves was let loose on this one.  Note: this is what started it all - see "Quasimodo or Quasimotor."

  • Lexus - "Allright, let's just slap a huge mouth on the front end of that puppy!  That's different right?!"  Looks like it could suck up an entire family...no need for doors.
  • Transformers - Lexus again plus many others (the new Corvette).  Again, way too busy.  Plus, my main fear is that drivers have an optional button that when pushed, will cause these things to stand up on their rear tires, unfold into 20 foot tall metal warriors and blast all oncoming vehicles out of their way.

  • Tesla - The butt (again).  "Hey, I got an idea, lets blow up the butt on our beautiful sedan design and call the whale a crossover!"  Hopefully this person is one of the hundreds who was recently fired. 

I know there are many who find beauty in these designs but frankly Scarlett, I don't. Just gimme an Audi Q5 or A6 coupe, or a new Mustang, or a Jaguar or....well, you get my drift.