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| No, this isn't me. But it is close. |
I would like to point out here that Geezer is yet another male-dominated class...the dictionary simply defines it as "old man." So, sorry ladies, we own this one. You don't want a piece of this anyway.
Perhaps it is part of the progression from the old moniker "Squeeze" (young person) to "Wrinkle" (old person) although I am pretty sure many of us achieve Wrinkle status well before Geezer status.
In addition to a progression of wrinkles, there seem to be many characteristics that distinguish a person as a Geezer. I can think of a few and I had better list them here before I forget them...short-term memory loss being, of course, a key sign of geezerness. Here are my top ten, in no particular order:
1. I just mentioned short-term memory loss. Or did I? When a person is young this characteristic is most often thought of as absent-mindedness and it can often be brought on by "information overload." (Yeah, better Google that. Check out author Alvin Toffler while you're at it.) When you get old it's different. For a Geezer, it just happens...no excuses. Plus, if you didn't hear it, how could you get it let alone remember it?!
2. Infirmities: My observation, likely practiced by millions of others before me; as we grow old and greet our peers we increasingly tend to discuss our infirmities before, if ever, moving on to other topics.
I first observed this tendency just as I was entering the world of geezers, somewhere in my early 60's. Geezer conversations are not for the faint of heart - or conversely, perhaps they are only for the faint of heart!
3. Pills: Wasn't taking many at all really when old age started creeping up on me. At first that is. Then, I gradually kept adding to my morning regimen until I adopted the "load up a plastic compartmentalized container marked Sunday through Saturday" technique to save time in preparing a handful or so. Next, some evening pills quickly became candidates for similar advance packing. Now, I use two blue containers for night pills and two of different colors for day pills so I can set aside two weeks' worth at a time.
The worrisome thing about the container technique occurs when you get down to that last day. You then realize two more weeks have gone by and you will not get them back. But you buck up and press on, loading them puppies up for another round. Outwardly you remain undaunted for this exercise but inwardly...WTF?!
4. Wrinkles: Previously mentioned. No need for further discussion.
5. Walking: Hey, it's just putting one foot in front of the other right?! But then, why does this suddenly become less predictable? Is there such a thing as short-term memory loss for muscles?
6. Sleeping: Let's face it Geezer...when your head hits that pillow it's anybody's guess. You don't know if you are going to sleep or not and if you do, whether you will sleep for ten hours or two.
7. Exercise: Well Geezers can do it just as often - but more restful (in)activities are much more appealing right?!
8. Thinking: Seriously, I love this one. As a Geezer, I get to look out the window and think of moments in life when I was a vibrant Squeeze...loving, learning, running, chasing, taking in every last possible moment. Call it sentimentality if you like. Call it "gushing sentimentality" is even better.
9. Dying: Yes it's gotta' be on the list right? Geezer relatives and pals are dying off and you miss them. Each one also reminds you of your own mortality. In these modern times...you have a growing number of Facebook friends who still have pages yet have passed.
10. Gratitude: Yup, no list of qualifications would be complete without this one. You have to be eternally grateful to your God or to your circumstance, whichever you prefer, to have lived long enough to gain Geezer status. Yet there will be no medals no sir...just an increasing dose of respect from folks you don't even know. As a bonus for (you know who you are) young'uns who used to be called "wise ass." you now get to be regarded as somewhat of a "sage"...if you're lucky that is.
Geezer Remedies: diet, exercise, stretching...repeat ad nauseam.
Above all, don't forget to look back and embrace those remarkable people you have met and loved. Don't forget to look back to your greatest experiences and relive them in your mind as best you can. Hell, go ahead and embellish them if you want, no one will mind. If you need a little inspiration, pull up your most loved tunes on YouTube or Spotify, turn up the volume a little and let those puppies wash over you. Then, go ahead and take a nap.
