Memorabilia - or in my case - Schmaltz

"Schmaltz" you say? Yeah I am kind of a gushing sentimentalist. "Memorabilia is just not enough for me. I have to take it one step further...that's where "Schmaltz" comes in.

I mean, my brain seems to automatically focus on the good memories...with few exceptions. Take my office for example. No wait, you wouldn't want to actually take it. Perhaps I should instead say; Consider my office for example. There; that's a lot less risk to you. 

I mean, my office is cluttered with memories; family photos by the dozen's plus Harley Davidson dealer and event pins by the hundreds. Plus, plaques all over the place. I even have "A Pot To Piss In" but that is literally another story.  Then there's the papers and souvenirs of various other forms that sort of round it all out.

So to support my point I took a picture.  I am going to insert it right here and then follow with a detailed (yawn.....) explanation. Here goes:

Numbered Memories - a few of many
(Click the pic and it will get bigger...I hope)

1. Julieann Marie - high school graduation picture, a year before we met at her birthday celebration in a mountain top club.
2. Museum of California poster - saw it on a highway billboard and called the museum to see if they had prints - "yes!" Ordered same.  A couple of years later I would have my own, Harley that is.
3. Two golf club racks made by my Father-in-law Casey Thomas (RIP).  I loved him like my own.  The clubs; antiques I collected while on the road.
4. Tyler Thomas Campbell's first home run ball.  A southpaw specializing in opposite field line drives, he was the finest pure hitter many of us had ever seen and he batted almost .600 in consecutive years to prove it.  
5. A leap of love for music at his band's first album release. Arden Park Roots would go on to enter the Sacramento Music Hall of Fame, release four albums and set attendance records (almost 8,000 in 2016) three years running at Sacramento's Concert's In The Park.
6. Daughter Samantha Marie as a teen at the top of San Francisco's Twin Peaks.
7. Plaques commemorating Arden Park Roots two latest albums; "Pipe Dreams" and "Burning the Midnight Oil."
8. A decorative chopper presented to me by pal of almost 50 years, Dr. Bernard Buecker.  Holds inscription that says; "World's Greatest Author" to honor my book, "Badass" about the Harley Davidson experience.  (Ben has perfect perception by the way.)
9. A cast paw print from Molly Campbell; a beautiful in mind, body and spirit Golden Retriever who gave our family more than 13 wonderful years.  Molly's ashes are in the urn beneath the cast.
10. Two personally hand painted wooden decoys.  First is from Julie Campbell to Tom in '87 and second is from Tom Campbell to his father Francis LeRay Campbell (RIP) in '91.
11. Framed poster made by Samantha Campbell in '95 at age 6.  It reads; "If I were President, I woed make shore that ivrething was fare.  and I woed make shore that ifreone had pec and ckwit. and for kids I'd care."  I had it framed and hung it in my office on American River Drive that year.  I told Samantha I hoped one day she "woed" hang it in her office.

And that's it Doooooooooood.  On just one office wall and this is stuff is plastered all over.  But there's more, much more. More than enough to fill a book or two and I have with "Travel On" and "Badass."  In fact, I would say more than my share, which explains why Julieann contends that I have led a "charmed life."  I say the "charm" is in the wonderful people I've met and the great experiences I've had along the way.

The Addictions

Family...nine members gathered around television making small talk.  Only station that remains mostly neutral in this mixed group is the Food Channel.  It has been on most of the day as various members go in and out of the room.  During pauses in the conversation a couple of them start discussing whether the channel is intended to nurture food addicts.  There seems to be some basis for this.  Later, a related conversation takes place on the family patio where DC and TC, the brothers, are relaxing.

What about food?!
None of these apply to television Vern.

TC; "So we have a food channel right? Maybe we should take an entrepreneurial approach and start a tobacco channel?  Then perhaps a dedicated gun channel, alcohol channel and a drug channel?"

DC; "There's already a gun channel."

TC: "Well that leaves the other three then."

DC; "Maybe we could combine the gun, drug and alchohol chan...no wait, that is regular television."

TC; "Yeah, there are a lot of channels like that."

(Uneasy laughter follows...topic changes)

A later question; "Would Bruce Springsteen have written '57 Channels (And Nothing On) if the Food Channel had been available back then?"

The Shooter

He has yet to go off the deep end. Yet he senses something. He is a terrorist in the making or a mad man yet to go public with his madness. Some would rightfully say he is both.

His fantasies are fueled by opportunity... the chance to arm and armor himself with war making weapons and protective gear. They are accumulating in his trunk, or in his garage, or in his house, or in his storage shed and they are waiting for him to make his final commitment.

Meanwhile, following the latest mass murder, "thoughts and prayers" are shared by all. The public and their elected officials engage in endless debate over the nuances of a constitutional "right" that was penned by representatives over 200 years ago; representatives who could not have foreseen the events, or weapons capabilities of today.

The sentence goes like this:

 
People focus on the "right of the people" rather than the context of the sentence that includes "well regulated." So, the debate continues and drags on while the latest tragedy already begins to fade from the everyday mind. Soon, attention will turn toward other events.

Meanwhile, as I write this, The Shooter prepares for a day he is not certain is coming, a day when his mind will snap and he will forget how pleasant it would be to wake up the next day alive. He will select his targets of opportunity, arm himself with weapons of war and begin. It is certain to happen.

The Constitution says we should regulate them well but we do not. We make assault weapons readily available to virtually anyone. Such is the state of our paranoia and our propensity to take a knee to moneyed interests.

The Shooter still owns us.

Patriot Guard Riders

Today, the Coyote and I provided Patriot Guard Rider funeral procession escort and flag line support for three deceased homeless veterans.

This is the announcement that we received earlier:

"Marc Reichert, Funeral Director has requested the PGR provide honors and escort to SVNC for 3 Vietnam Veterans  Mr. Raymond Morgan, US Marine Corps 1966-1967, Mr. Floyd Preston Jr. US Air Force 1963-1967 and Mr. Timothy Harding US Army 1967- 1969. Services will be Tuesday, May 10, 2016 at 12:00 PM (noon) at Reichert Funeral Chapel, 7320 Auburn Blvd., Citrus Heights, CA. Private burial will follow at Sacramento Valley National Cemetery.

They are  being buried under the Dignity Memorial Homeless Veteran Program.  The PGR are honored to stand for these veterans."

The funeral included active duty Air Force and Marine Honor Guards inside the funeral home, a group of seven prior Marines for a 21-gun salute, a bag piper, 20 or more civilians and American Legion veterans and a dozen or so of us from the Patriot Guard Riders. It was an impressive gathering considering the three veterans passed away with no homes or known families.

The procession included three hearses and about 8 of us on motorcycles.

The event was somber and respectful - something I don't often see these days but I am sure one that is repeated often throughout our nation.

I was glad to be a part of it and felt somewhat closer than I might have otherwise as Mr. Preston served his Air Force tour during exactly the same years I served between the ages of 17-21.  I  kept thinking we very well could have crossed paths along the way...

The scene at the National Cemetery was very nice.  It is about ten years old and the grounds are well maintained.  Our nation is doing a fine job of seeing that our deceased veterans are well taken care of.

The Coyote (his Dad was a retired Army senior enlisted man) and I then returned the 40-odd miles to the Sacramento area on a hot Sacramento afternoon.  He and I have ridden thousands of miles together on our Hogs over the past 18 or so years.  I have written about him in books and blogs often...probably not done yet.

  

You say "ToeMayToe"...

...I say; "Let's get that steer manure and start diggin' the patch."

As our story begins, the end of April fast approaches and we are lagging in getting our tomatoes planted...(Whoops! Here it is May already and even this post lags!).

I have been distracted from the task at hand by tending to Julieann's pretty damn rugged illness that has dogged her for a couple of weeks now. My job?  Walking in and disturbing her every couple of hours by asking, "How you doing?" and then returning to the recliner to reflect further on asking her the same question again.

I did find a few moments to haul the gardening implements out to do a little spade and rake work on the patch but the heavy stuff awaited the skills and muscle of son Tyler and daughter Samantha. Since I am now, in my book, finally old enough to claim age as a factor in dodging heavy work, I was left to getting the two of them here for assistance.  In retrospect, it would have been much easier to just work the spade in stages because aligning their busy schedules turned out to be a pain in the ___.

Nevertheless, Saturday morning the stars aligned and we all got together to attack the terrain in the back of the NorCal Campbell Family Ranch.  It was Tyler, Samantha, this old dude and 9 bags of premium steer manure (As Ty and Sam would have it, counting me there were 10.) gathered en force and ready to roll. We three lefties got'er done with a minimum of harassment.

Also, permit me to explain a couple of the props used in this event:

TC & SC turning steer manure into the earth.
These two know their shit!

First; the masks - there to block pollen and prevent allergic reactions.  Score? A perfect 10 as they are extremely effective.

These here gloves will keep your hands
as tender as they deserve to be.

Second; the gloves - "Atlas Nitrile."  This is a great product that ranks second only to my blogs in its value to mankind. They allow a person to hand dig through the aforementioned tomato patch, pulling roots with no concern at all for the drying or skin cracking events normally associated. Actually, the tactile feel of these gloves is so great I am pretty sure I could perform orthopedic surgery with them...just not on family or most friends.

The dude abides whilst his progeny
does the diggin'.  

Now for the scientific part.  I used Google (The god of all knowledge) for "Sacramento Tomato Plants" and came up with a fine article including recommendations from local expert growers. They suggested a bunch of plants with cool names that I will be hunting today or tomorrow depending on how serious my typical attack of procrastination is.  Here's a few:  "Lemon Boy, Madam Marmande, Steakhouse, Cherry Baby, Striped German (is that a bass or something?), Better Boy, Early Girl (our old stand by), and Aussie."

So there you have it.  Julieann seems better due to the miraculous therapeutic qualities of the oft repeated question: "How you doing?"  As for me, I have run out of excuses...gotta' get those plants and get'em planted PDQ.

A few of my personal gardening tools.
The (stolen) ashtray for stogies has since been repaired.

P.S.  Her daddy taught Sam that systematic spade method.  That both are adept at shoveling manure is an endearing quality that will serve them well in all business matters.

About Mom...

After Mom passed away in 2004 I wrote an obituary followed by a note to inquiring friends about my last moments with her. This is how the note went...

"Thank you Tim and Linda.  That is an interesting thought you brought up.  Mom's is certainly an extraordinary generation, the one Tom Brokaw calls "The Greatest."  I mean, they fought and won the biggest war the world has ever seen and they had a hell of a lot of babies.  They were truly lovers and fighters. You have to figure they took in life in huge portions.

Circa 1949
Martha Alice Gladue - Campbell

I hope when all is said and done, the historians will figure we did the same, or at least we were ready, willing and able to do the same. They set a remarkable example for us and generations to follow.

For now, I just think of running a brush through Mom's beautiful platinum hair as she laid in the hospital last weekend.

Of carefully applying a cool cloth to her forehead and cheeks, of slowly giving her water with a small sponge on a popsicle stick when we had to be extremely careful to be sure she didn't aspirate.

Of hearing her struggle to regain some speech and hearing her first words include, "I Love You."

1980's

Of seeing the joy in her face when she was able to kiss her 11 month old grandson Dakota.

Of witnessing her sense of fulfillment when she used her only good hand to point to my brother and I and say, "My boys."

Of seeing her stick her tongue out at no one in particular (the situation?) and beam when my brother joked with her, and seeing her beam when I joked with her.

Of Julieann holding back, across the room, knowing it was our time to say goodbye.

And finally, of kissing her cheek and lips last Sunday morning, and holding her hand to say "goodbye" without actually saying the word, both of us crying at once, each of believing it was time.

It was the most tender moment of my life and I will be eternally grateful for it. Grateful to my Mother for being who she was and to my wife, Julieann for being who she is.  My life is filled with extraordinary women; my Mother, my wife and my daughter.  My son Tyler is an amazing person too; generous, loyal, smart, talented and more.  I am a huge lottery winner Tim and I didn't even have to buy a ticket.

I wish I would have spent more time with her, and would have thought to ask more about her childhood, about her being raised on a Montana homestead in a family of 13.

You got me going on this one Tim.  Thanks.  I appreciated sitting here reflecting on these events and sharing them with you."

I am thinking of you today my Chippewa Princess. You are in Heaven and it was made for you...

B-B-B-Beards and Bootstraps

It was 1972, five years after the "Summer of Love." He was finishing college while on the Air Force Bootstrap* education program (now with a more formal title; Air Force Educational Leave of Absence Program). If you were an enlisted person within one year (now two) of graduation you could apply to attend school full-time to graduate. At the same time you could collect VA financial support for tuition along with your normal active duty pay - a hell of a deal to be certain. Your payback for this support was and still is 3-1. That is, you owed three months of service for every one month you were away.

Chapman University in Orange, California offered extension classes at a lot of military bases. They were eight-week terms year round so a person could knock off a lot of semester hours fast. His turned out to be 54 semester hours in a span of 10 months spread between courses at Norton Air Force Base in San Bernardino, CA and March Air Force Base in Riverside, CA. It was a busy schedule but not too difficult for most.

He was really intrigued by the idea that he wouldn't be wearing a uniform while in school as he had the previous seven years when he enlisted at age 17. That also meant he wouldn't be observed for compliance with Air Force grooming standards. So right off the bat he began letting his hair and beard grow. Julieann, his wife of some four years at the time, tolerated the little kid in him as always.

Hey...it was 1972-73!
Gotta' have hair and lots of it right?!

As he neared the end of his bootstrap time, he was approached by a fellow student at one of his night accounting classes at Norton Air Force Base. The "fellow student" turned out to be an Air Force Major who asked him if he was on active duty. He answered "yes." The Major nodded his head and then moved away.

There was a weird look in that Major's eye that made the bootstrapper* pretty uneasy. He was afraid he would get zapped for growing all that hair against regulations so he devised a plot to escape. He called his accounting professor, a fairly senior enlisted man who was teaching part-time, and told him the story. He then asked the professor if he could skip the second to last accounting class and take the final exam separate from the class. Much to his surprise, his professor agreed and that was that...he never saw the mysterious Major again.

He had a great ten-month beard and bootstrap journey. In the end, he had his degree in hand and returned to duty clean shaven.  Just over a year later he was commissioned** a second lieutenant in the Medical Service Corps...an act that would put his beard growing days on hold until post-retirement in the late '80's.

*The term "bootstrap" in the military sense typically refers to self-help or...pulling yourself up the career ladder by your own bootstraps. In his case it was actually his wife, Julieann. Julieann was the one doing all the pulling although she probably didn't realize it at the time but yup, she was the motivation all right.

**In a serious touch of irony, he went from NCO on Dec 31st 1974 to to 2nd Lt, on Jan 1st 1975...overnight, while driving from Luke AFB, AZ to Mountain Home AFB, ID.  His first assignment, Hospital Squadron Commander where one of his primary responsibilities was to enforce the grooming standards of Air Force Regulation 35-10. 

Work - Getchu Summa That!!!

“Work is about a search for daily meaning as well as daily bread, for recognition as well as cash, for astonishment rather than torpor; in short, for a sort of life rather than a Monday through Friday sort of dying.” 
― Studs Terkel

I was outside Sacramento's Capital Casino last Friday taking a short walk while on a break from a poker tournament.  Across the side street, they have demolished an old decrepit furniture store and are replacing it with a large parking lot that covers, I would guess, at least two square blocks. They have been working on it for at least a couple of months and must be spending at least a couple million bucks it. When complete, it will accommodate casino patrons and employees. At least, that's the plan.

Right now, we are parking all over the place and Friday, I was parked right near the construction.  So...on my walk I happened to glance at my old Red Sled to check if everything was in order. Right behind, I noticed this mason carefully finishing the top of a brick foundation for one of the many light posts that will be in the lot.  He was using a rectangular trowel and was applying finishing touches slowly with what appeared to be practiced precision.

I decided to walk away but then turned and took a picture of the man at work...

He's there, in the middle, yellow hard hat
with a cloth to shade his neck.  See him?!

Here's the thing...the top of that foundation has to be six and a half to seven feet high.  That means for a hundred(s?) years they will likely be there, it is very possible that no one will ever see the results of his careful work on the top of those light posts.  Yet there he was,  taking care to be sure the finished product was of high quality.

In those moments I was pretty damn impressed, as you can see here.  That, I thought, is something I too could have done for my working life and been pretty satisfied.

Work.  Craftsmanship.  Pride.  Put them all together and in my book (or in this case, in my blog) you have a winner.

A Pot To Piss In

In the curious world of word spinning
There is an idiom that most often concerns being poor
As in having, "a pot to piss in"
If you do, you are okay
If you don't you are broke

That is not what this story is about exactly

No sir this one's about a job
A gathering of like minded folks
Who tried to do right by a bunch of other folks....

And of course...it's about the pot

He was a young Air Force Hospital Administrator
Fairly fresh out of grad school*
But with a lot of experience in hospital trenches
Having roamed the halls of several before
As an Air Force enlisted preventive medicine technician
And three years as junior officer/administrator

Shortly after he and his family arrived at the Montana missile base, he found out one wing of the World War II cantonment style hospital was completely closed.  It had been a 10 bed maternity ward closed a couple years earlier because of a shortage of Air Force OB docs.  He didn't like the idea of Air Force families relying on the small local community hospital for delivery services. It was pretty expensive for the government and it placed the services an unnecessary distance from the husbands and children of the moms-to-be.  His idea was to reopen the suite, staff it with Air Force nurses and technicians and bring in local OB docs on contract as needed.

He successfully campaigned with Strategic Air Command headquarters staff (including Gottlieb, Morgan, Fant, Coleman, Cerha and Geiger) for assistance (read permission) and he was on his way. First, with the kind support of the Chief Nurse, Fred McDowell at another SAC base, he was loaned a young nurse with solid OB background to serve as project manager. Captain Ann White would keep everyone on track for preparing the hospital facilities to once again accept expectant moms.

Right out of the gate, he could tell Ann was detail oriented, energetic and knew exactly what needed to be done.  He pulled together a main team consisting of the hospital plant manager; Morris Davis, the logistics or supply MSC; Richard Rognehough, Ann and himself.  The team would be augmented by the hospital chief medical officer and nurse as needed.

Ann prepared the "to-do" list for the team, they planned regular status meetings and they were off and running. Activities ran the gamut from painting walls, sterilizing and ordering equipment to arranging staff.  On one occasion, Ann even had the entire team sharing vacuum duties in the ward ventilator shafts..."Its gotta' be done in order to limit the risk of contamination guys so get your heads in there (literally) and get it done.  And don't forget to wear face masks." He didn't forget. The team, dressed in grubbies, gathered at the hospital on a Saturday morning and got the job done.

There were some contentious sessions at their team meetings though. In fact, as time wore on, he began calling it "the pissing contest." It was a terrific team but they didn't all have the same ideas about how to get from point A to point B. At the end of their meetings, he took to closing with; "Okay, next pissing contest will be on ___day at 8 right here in my office.  Be there or be square."

Engraved vintage Vollrath (maybe) 89150 Stainless Steel
Military Issue Male Urinal w/ Handle

In the end they were successful and sometime later, Ann collaborated with the team to present him with an old stainless steel container, a relic from the pre-plastic disposable days.  Yes folks, it was a male urinal engraved with these precious words; "Captain Tom Campbell, Pissing Contest Today, Be There or Be Square."

Today, over 30 years later, that pot holds a place of honor in his office as a reminder of great days with great people.  It also guarantees he will forever have a "pot to piss in" in the classic sense of the phrase.

Epilogue: Ann was the real driver on this once she got into it.  We all just ended up standing back and obeying orders.  She later left the Air Force and attended Columbia University where she got her PhD. I still hear from her once in a while and about her latest adventures.  She is one of my heros.

*See "Grad School Kicked His Ass"

Between Heaven and Earth

Early morning in the Black Hills. A little coffee and maybe a sweet roll in the belly and you are ready to ride.

Your choices for the day are many. The stark beauty of the Badlands is waiting. The close up, three dimensional views (and yes, if there is a fourth dimension it has to exist right there) of Mount Rushmore are waiting too. Listen... it doesn’t matter how many photos you take or have seen... if you haven’t panned the granite presidents with your own eyes you have not really seen them.

Or you can head for Spearfish canyon, Devils Tower, Custer National Park and the famous Needles rock formations. You can also visit Crazy Horse monument (literally the biggest Native American of all time). Plus, don’t forget the mother of them all… the Sturgis motorcycle rally for a take on crowd gathering at its finest. They are all day rides and they are all great rides... filled with the beauty of the land and enough curves to keep you alert.

Before the day is over you will steer the iron pony toward every degree and every cardinal point on the compass. You will wonder at the feel of the grips in your hands, the feel of torque that comes on the instant you twist that grip. It will happen hundreds of times on a day trip and, if you are lucky, millions of times during your life of riding.

To begin: You check for the neutral light and then thumb the switch.

"Crank!" It’s the gears of the starter, immediately launching itself at the heart of the big bagger’s engine.

"Thump!" It’s the first explosion of air and fuel in protest to the starter’s sudden shot of energy.

"Crank… Thump… Rumble!!" The bike fires up faster than you can read these words and settles into the classic, “potato, potato” sound that gives the icon much of it's mystique.

You pause to wait for the oil to begin circulating from the engine’s crankcase to the outer reaches of the its casings.  The thick, dark amber fluid warms as the mass of iron, chrome, leather and rubber prepares for a full day of torque and horsepower responses. During the pause you work through the routine of donning gloves, sunglasses, zippers and maybe a do-rag. Then you climb on.

You throw a leg over the iron horse and simultaneously lean your weight from left to right as you wrestle it up from an awkward incline against the kickstand. Then you have her upright and balanced but she is still clumsy.  She is waiting for the centrifugal effect of wheels turning to make her the graceful blend of form and function that she is.

Your left hand squeezes the clutch while a practiced left foot finds and presses the linkage to check... yes, she is in first gear. A smooth, deliberate release of the clutch with just the right combination of right hand turning the throttle and she is in motion. The air in front of you reluctantly gives way as you slice through it, creating turbulence most noticeable in your hair, your shirtsleeves and your pant legs.

Crisp. Early morning in the Black Hills.

Crisp. The air is perfect and taking huge gulps of it is the best way to enjoy the route to wherever you are going.

Crisp. The air is also crystal clear and the views of everything are striking in panorama. 

Yes folks, no special 3D glasses required.

You will never be as close to God as you are when you are riding a motorcycle on the edge.... right at the precise center of heaven and earth. It is up to you to define the edge but it is really anywhere from zero to infinity in terms of miles an hour.

At zero; you can be gone instantly if you are paused at a stoplight and the driver behind you doesn’t stop.

Toward infinity; you can be gone instantly if you tire on a long stretch of Interstate and forget to counter steer when on the exit ramp turn.

In between; you can be gone instantly if that cage driver in the opposite lane approaching suddenly decides to make a left turn in front of you.

In any event, you are right there at His or Her doorstep, waving as you pass by. He, or She says, “Today is your day so enjoy. The time will come when I will call you home but for now, enjoy that earthly pleasure. By the way, what kind of pipes do you have on that Hog?”

I am grateful all right. Yes, I am grateful. Thanks to my amazing wife Julieann who is the Earth Angel always on my shoulder and thanks to God for another day.

The "Sand Pit" - Cam Ranh Bay

Cam Ranh Bay, "The Sand Pit" was a major US naval base and airfield during the war in Vietnam.  It is regarded as the finest deepwater shelter in Southeast Asia.  Over the years, it has been occupied by the French, the United States, North Viet Nam, Russia and then again Viet Nam.  Currently it supposedly serves as a ship repair facility available to foreign warships and is supported by Russian consultants.

Cam Ranh Base - 1970

During the war, one of the base's major functions was to serve as an Army convalescent center where wounded US soldiers could be treated, recuperate, then returned to duty.  It was also a drug abuse treatment center. Heroin addiction was an epidemic and many addicts were evacuated to the United States for more intense treatment. The preferred method for transportation was Aeromedical Air Evacuation "air evac", a function performed by the Unites States Air Force. 

The base was known for sand; lots of shifting sand that required boardwalks to help troops move among buildings.  The area also featured large rats, snakes, palm and banana trees, Vietnamese thatched huts and, the occasional sapper. 

In 1971, my former Air Force Medical Service Corps colleague and pal, Tom McDougall was a First Lieutenant stationed at Clark Air Force Base in the Philippines.  While there Tom pulled a six week assignment at the Sand Pit to set up an air evac detachment. The purpose, to ship heroin addicts home as patients.  This is Tom's story:

"Drugs were a huge problem in Viet Nam.  We didn't even mess around with those smoking pot, just the ones who were hooked on heroin. This situation set the stage for my arrival at Cam Ranh Bay, which was a large sand dune in the South China Sea abutting the mainland. The base was the size of a small city and handled a lot of cargo and supplies. 

When I got there, I met up with 2 enlisted guys and we comprised the air evac detachment. The motor pool gave us a crappy old pickup truck we had to push start to get going each morning. I negotiated with the transportation guy and had a quart of brandy and two cases of San Miguel bottles delivered on one of my incoming air evac planes (you could only get canned beer in country). I traded this for a relatively new 6 passenger pick up. We were in the process of "Vietnamization" at the time which meant the Vietnamese received all the new trucks arriving, so the transportation guy broke some major rules to imbibe of the "supplies" I offered. 

Patients would be rehabilitated for about 2 weeks at an Army hospital and then delivered to our Aeromedical Staging Facility located at the Air Force hospital.  It was a large quonset hut surrounded by barbed wire fences and staffed with security police as well as medical personnel.  We would receive about 70 patients a day (do the math for a year and you can see we had a serious heroin problem) and they would immediately be strip searched and finger waved.  The med techs drew straws every day to see who had the honor of serving as "Goldfinger." 

Heroin caps

We also drug tested them about 2 hours after arrival. One or two always failed and were shipped back. They were kept in locked wards at the Army hospital, but would obtain caps of heroin from the Vietnamese hospital workers who would trade them for money or a watch. We could not figure out how they were smuggling the heroin into our Aeromedical Staging Facility until one enterprising med tech noticed most of the smugglers were black.  When we started combing out their hair we found out that was where they were hiding it.

There was an auxiliary Army Officer's Club about 5 miles away that was run by an Army Sergeant who wanted to be a restaurateur when he got home so the place looked like an Italian restaurant.  My two guys and I would change into civilian clothes so they could get in (they were enlisted) and go there for dinner every night.  We would skip lunch and order 2 dinners apiece.  You could get a filet mignon, salad, and a baked potato for $2.50, or a lobster tail instead of the filet.  We usually drank about 4 or more bottles of Rose Mateus or other Portuguese wine that the club manager managed to keep in stock.  I think the wine was $2 a bottle.  I may be the only guy sent to Viet Nam who gained weight while he was there.  

One night coming home from dinner we stopped and picked up 3 filthy grunts who had just come out of the bush.  They wanted to go to the NCO club on base, but we were stopped at the main gate by the security police.  They informed me that the base commander did not allow any Army enlisted guys on base after dark because they had torn up the club a few times.  I made him tell our passengers.  I could not believe that the base CO was such an asshole.  No wonder a lot of those grunts turned to dope.  

Another time returning from dinner (maybe 6 bottles that night) we were taking a short cut to an AF barracks where there was a party when I hit a bunch of 50 gallon drums full of sand that blocked the road. Luckily there was not too much damage to the truck although the collision sounded like a bomb going off.  We took another road to the party and found everyone outside worrying that an attack was coming because of the loud noise.  They had closed the road earlier in the day because of supposed enemy activity.  We had a pretty good laugh over that one.

We worked 7 days a week (flight every day), but we had a little time to go to the beach and catch some sun.  You had to be careful when swimming because the crazy Army helicopter pilots would skim the deck at about 2 feet.  The first time one went over that close it scared the crap out me.  

The base was saturated with outside speakers, a system that was called "Giant Voice."  It would come on 2 or 3 times a day and announce the weather (hotter than hell) and the current security condition.  This was giving in military terms, like DEFCON 3 (safe), DEFCON 2 (suspected enemy activity), and DEFCON 1 (haul ass to the weapons storage area because we were about to be overrun). They didn't allow AF guys to carry weapons...this was another bright rule. 

The guys who spoke on Giant Voice all had great radio or possibly singing voices and sounded really smooth in their daily deliveries. One afternoon the guy said we were on DEFCON 2 and further stated they expected enemy activity that night.  The Vietnamese all left the base before 3 PM which made us even more convinced we were going to be hit. 

Each day, we needed to report to work very early because our flights usually arrived at 7 AM.  I was sitting there hung over at 6 AM, pleased that we had not been attacked the night before, when there was a huge explosion that blew out the 2 doors on the building and raised the metal shutters on all the widows. The lights went out and I found myself fighting for space under my desk with a nurse (equal opportunity in war).  

The first explosion was followed by another about a minute later. The lights were out and all the drug patients were under their beds where one asshole was doing a whistle imitating an incoming missile.  Several of his bunk mates threatened to kill him, but were too scared to move. After a couple of more explosions, good old Giant Voice came on, but he sounded like he was scared to death. He was stuttering and stammering and saying "DEFCON, uh DEFCON uh 2."  Well that was helpful since we had already figured we were under attack.  We kept waiting for the big one, but it didn't come.  

Giant Voice finally explained that an enemy sapper had blown up a good part of the ammo dump up on the hill.  After that explanation there were a lot of idiots out on roofs taking pictures of the bombs and missiles exploding.  When the missiles went they took off into the air so it was not real safe outside for a few hours.  

About 3 hours after the last of the explosions went off they opened the runway and the first plane in was a contract carrier full of newbies.  When the pilot was in final approach a missile went off from the ammo dump and came close to the airplane. The pilot pulled the stick like he was driving an F-16 and hauled the hell out of there. I am sure he exceeded all the tolerances for that airplane, but he was not waiting around.  They diverted to Saigon and came back about 3 hours later.  Everyone went down to the tarmac to greet the newbies and see if any of them had brown stains on their butts.

Later, I got on the phone to my boss in the Philippines and told him I thought I should leave on the plane coming in that day.  He said I had to wait until my permanent replacement came in about 2 weeks.  

I was a little nervous around loud noises after that and was not real pleased with our security.  We expected them to come and we couldn't stop one guy from getting to the ammo dump (gee, you think that might be a target?)

I left 2 weeks later when a beaming 2nd Lt stepped off an airplane carrying a golf bag.  That idiot's name was John Oleson and he probably has better war stories than I do.  He was famous for sitting in high stakes poker games in Saigon and cleaning out a bunch of senior officers. 

Anyway that is my short war experience.  The 20 minutes while the bombs were going off  (we did not know what it was) were terrifying.  It greatly increased my appreciation for the grunts who lived with that shit daily.

About ten years ago I ran into a guy who had been assigned to Cam Ranh when I had been there.  We were telling war stories when he mentioned it was a good thing the enemy sapper didn't get at the 15,000 pound bombs.  I was not aware there had been any at the base and he informed me that if they had blown we would not be there talking. Ignorance is bliss."

(Thanks for the story Tom.  Tom served a full career with the Air Force Medical Service Corps is now recently retired from a senior position with the University of Texas health system.  He resides somewhere on the gulf coast.  He remains busy sipping fine wine or scotch or both and smokes mighty fine stogies. If you find any mistakes in his story here or any blame to place, I made them and blame me.)