Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Flaming A__holes

The past couple of days I have been distracted with curiosity about the origin of the idiom; "Flaming Asshole."

So naturally I decided to check with the god of all knowledge, Google to see what I might find.  Here are the results...with some of my own speculation thrown in for good measure:

flaming asshole: Origin unknown.  (Google is silent on this.)

  1. "An extreme asshole." While it is listed in the urban dictionary, even there the information is sparse. Of course, this is the most common interpretation. In fact I have seen so many reminders of this lately, mostly in the political news*, that is why I have decided to give the expression its due.
  2. Associated with lighting farts.  This is the true origin I suspect.  I first witnessed this in a military dorm during my late teens.  I didn't think it was possible until I saw it.  It works just like a blow torch, except when the perpetrator tries too hard and accidentally drops a log on the floor.  I have witnessed this too.  The second time I heard discussion of the practice was from a nurse describing her times with her brothers when they were teenagers growing up in rural Northern California (yes, supposedly she was a participant).
  3. A cocktail and there are several variations.  Here's one...1/2 oz of each of these ingredients:
    • Grenadine syrup
    • Green creme de menthe
    • Creme de bananas
    • Overproof rum
    • Layer in the same exact order, syrup first.  Ignite rum before serving and serve with a straw.
*There are also a large number of flaming assholes in the entertainment world, in professional sports and in the top tiers of the business community.  This occurs at a much higher rate than in the ranks of the common man.  In fact the exact, scientifically proven figures are shown here (expressed in a ratio as direct, whole numbers...for example 5:10 means five of every ten or 50% are flaming assholes):
  • Entertainment        4.20:10  (mainly overblown egos...if drug abuse is considered, multiply the factor by 1.5)
  • Sports                     2.30:10 (the number doubles when you add in domestic abuse cases)
  • Business                 5.00:10 (this figure does not allow for leaders who have no vision or regard for the future...for those who do not understand that the middle class is what drives their wealth - multiply by 1.75)
  • Politics                   9.95:10 (with a small allowance for those who simply cannot distinguish their assholes from a hole in the ground)
  • Common Man        0.01:10 (scatological exclamations in heavy traffic have not been counted)
So there you have it; everything you ever wanted to know about flaming assholes. Feel free to use this handy guide for...whatever.

And here is a cautionary quote from the famous graffiti artist and philosopher(?) Banksy; "The more grumpy you are, the more assholes you meet."


2 comments:

Chas~ said...

Just amazing, Tom! I feel so much better now!

Link Blot said...

It gave me indigestion. With a hint of fig, ..I think.