"Fifteen Presidential Things I Wish I Would Have Tweeted" - Donald J. Trump

...that is, instead of what I actually tweeted.

1. It was a close race and I am happy to have won. This is my last reference to the election. Now, on with the people's business.
2. I thought I might have had some good cabinet candidates out of Goldman-Sachs but in the end I chose none.
3. Provisions of the Affordable Care Act will remain in full force. They will not be altered until and unless we have a thoughtful replacement.
4. I am disappointed in the activities of General Flynn and am thankful we discovered the irregularities before they became a more serious problem.
5. The press does the best they can given the information available to them...just like me. Together, we can hopefully share well vetted truths with the public.
6. I have decided to avoid the use of first person references. Henceforth I will use "we" in all references to my team and to the people of the United States.
7. I do not consider major donors and professional wrestling executives experienced cabinet candidates. They need not apply.
8. Sure I used to be a Democrat.  Now I am Republican. Therefore, my views will be accordingly moderate. That is where the people want and need me.
9. I know we came out of the gate with a few gaffes. We are fast studies though and it won't be long before we are functioning like a fine tuned machine.
10. My inclination was to take full advantage of tax breaks. Now I intend to pay a fair share of my income to help our country fix it's infrastructure such as roads and bridges.
11. It is my responsibility to set the example for all in government by avoiding any appearance of a conflict of interest. I have divested or placed in trust all of my business interests and here is proof.
12. All my cabinet nominees will have a verifiable history of service to the public and experience in their respective positions.
13. I will meet daily with a dozen congressional members equally divided among the parties. We will use a set agenda that promotes discussion and I will do my best to arbitrate.
14. The living arrangements Melania and I have present significant cost for taxpayers. We will set a budget based on historical presidential expenses and we will pay for anything beyond that.
15. "Quiet, Quiet, QUIET!  I'm really not a bad person." But yes, I am batshit crazy.

No wait!  Here's #16: Fuhgetabout #'s 1-15...its all fake news.  And its real information all right but the media coverage of it is fake.