P-P-P-Poker Face

The vast majority come to the tournament hold'em poker tables with inscrutable faces made of stone.  They bet then focus, unmoving and unblinking, at the center of the table...before and after the cards come.  They remain that way when the flop hits and, if they are still in the hand after, when the turn and river comes.  They can be mean looking when they go into freeze frame; Asian, Black, Latino and White...all of them.  Women and men, tattooed and bare, old and young.

Yet they have a common bond.  They all love to play, they understand there are rules to follow and all are generally considerate of one another.  Common actions; A gentle 'pat, pat' on the felt table to wish a fellow player good luck.  Veteran propensity to chop (split) the winnings, often when some have a considerable lead over others.  Most frequent phrases; "There is room here to move your chair if you want."  "Nice hand."  "Good luck," when opponents go all in with their remaining chips."  "There is room to share here," pointing to a side table that holds a player's refreshments.

And they all work on their poker faces.  For when a critical bet is made they don't want to give up a 'read' or 'tell' when an opponent is considering whether to call or fold.

Occasionally a player holding cards will freeze in 'staring at the middle' mode while the dealer and remaining players wait for them to bet or fold.  After a lengthy, pregnant pause, the player will say; "Oh, it's on me?" and everyone will laugh and think to themselves; 'Oh yeah, I have done that before.'

Between hands, it's sharing stories, most often of bad beats (when their strong hand is beaten by one stronger).  They laugh, joke, watch athletic events on televisions scattered throughout the poker room and greet pals old and new.

But when the cards hit the table......when the cards hit the table and a decision is made to play that hand it's time to have the poker face immediately available.  P-P-P-Poker face.  It's a fascinating nuance of the game.

The Perfect Muck

Folks, when you've played thousands of hands of tournament Texas Hold'em Poker certain things begin to come naturally.  Mucking is one of them. If you don't know already,  here's what "muck" in this form means:

Muck in gambling has multiple meanings. In poker, it most often refers to the pile of discarded cards into which players may throw their folded hands, and into which the dealer may place burned cards. It may also refer to the action of throwing a hand into the muck. - Wikipedia

When you bail out of a hand you can muck a ton of different ways. This ranges from simply sliding your cards unseen by others toward the center of the table and taking your hand off them to tossing them straight into the dealer's muck, again unseen. Judging from the Wikipedia definition, you could say you can "muck to the muck." I wouldn't suggest saying that in a live game though. Some players, the more burly among them, might counter with many forms of remarks...none complimentary.

This...is a "pig in muck."  Not the same thing
but a very close resemblance to the cards
that end up there.

But this is about The Perfect Muck. I am referring to a toss of the cards through the air on a direct, uninterrupted path to the stack of cards referred to as the "dealer's  muck" or stack of burned cards. In all modesty (not really), I must admit I have perfected such a move. Here, the cards are gently wedged against the inside of the thumb, the index and forefingers of one hand. Next, they are spun through the air, flat and unexposed, and land gently 'midst the dealer's muck.

But there is yet another, better muck out there folks.  I will call it the "Bruce Fling Flick Muck."  It involves pointing your two pocket cards at the dealer's muck and with an invisible 'flick' the cards fly through the air to their objective.  I have come across one, just one player whose name is (you guessed it) Bruce Fling.  Bruce fly's, or his cards do, solo among thousands...one who can make this move easily and naturally, every time.  It is an awesome thing to witness.  In fact, just today I was discussing this with an experienced dealer who agrees it's the best we have ever seen.

Now, I must also admit that I occasionally miss my version of The Perfect Muck and have what I call a "spasm." When this happens my cards fly in different directions, sometimes toward other players. Fortunately, I have learned to be very quick with apologies and have yet to suffer anything more than a little humiliation.

Thanks and...See you at the final table.

Time - Alliteration Litter & Remnants

First there's...
Time out!
Time's up!
Time zone.
Time table.
Time clock.
Time magazine.
Time marches on.
Time management.
Time is of the essence.

On the other hand...
All time.
No time.

Time remnants: Grandpa and Grandma
Campbell or Gladue's
pocket watch and "Awl For All." 

It's time.
Big time.
Old time.
Lap time.
Nap time.
Any time.
Half time.
Real time.
Bed Time.
Hard time.
Over time.
Party time.
Early time.
Exact time.
Prime time.
Break time.
About time.
Waste time.
World time.
Father time.
Test of time.
Crunch time.
Current time.
Quarter time.
Estimated time.
Appointment time.
Howdy Doody time!
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner time.

Or opposites...
First and Last time.
Start and End time.
Good and Bad time.
Day and Night time.
Best and Worst time.

Moron Poker - The Nuances

Okay, okay...actually it's not "moron poker" at all. That's just click bait. It should read "more on poker" but that wouldn't entice clickers would it?!

On a good day...
you can hardly see past your chip stack.

It's the game folks. It's the beautiful tournament Texas Hold'em poker game with an infinite mix of players, dealers, tournament directors and many other folks. They all occupy the gambling stage in several acts with many props and every scene is filled with nuances. Together, the people, casino, tables, cards, chips, food and a certain infamous Lady make the complete package.

The players are a wonder to me, a modern day example of how diverse cultures and nationalities could and should work together in the world today.  In general, they are intelligent, hard-working folks who take relaxation in studying and playing the game.  They are bound by a common set of rules that are observed by dealers and enforced by tournament directors.  The players are all in competition but they know the rules and they generally have respect for one another. I have been a fairly avid tournament student for around ten years now and I am still impressed with how everyone gets along...99.9% of the time.

(Exception: yesterday, yes just yesterday I witnessed another player so upset about losing a hand and the ensuing joking he seriously threatened another player with "...see you outside." I quietly went to the Tournament Director and mentioned it along with an observation that I had seen nothing like it in ten years of tournament poker. I just asked them to keep an eye on the player.  The Director actually called their security chief and the chief soon called the offending player aside for a quiet talk. The player returned, there were no further displays and shortly thereafter he was knocked out of the tournament. Later I told the Director I thought she really handled that well.) 

Dealers are typically thoughtful; cautioning experienced players who occasionally mess up and coaching often anxious new players on rules. They are in a constant state of shepherding their flock of 9 or so players while the cards and chips are flying everywhere.  Game time is busy time for dealers and most of them seem to enjoy themselves. They have some genuinely fine smiles and keen senses of humor in common. And they can deal...really well.

Tournament directors function as game experts and Supreme Court Justices of the game, listening to dealers describe elements of a violation or controversial move when they occur, quickly making a decision and keeping the game moving. They also maintain the tournament clock, chip stacks, player seating and basically anything that needs to be done to keep a tournament moving along.  Did I mention security? Oh yeah, that too.

And then, of course there is the ever mystical, fickle, glorious, often uplifting, often ass-kicking Lady Luck. Let's not forget her as she is nipping at your heels every step of the way. She first enters the scene with your simple seat draw. You line up at the cashier's cage, pay your entry fee and are randomly assigned a seat. That seat alone will make or break your day. The cards that land in your seat position will be hot or cold in all possible percentages and will most often vary throughout your poker day.

The patience you use in coping with the seat variance Lady Luck dishes out will be a huge factor in whether you end up at the final table and among other players who cash in the tournament. If you draw an early hot seat, your challenge will be to avoid tilting away your chips by later making careless bets. If you draw an early cold seat, the challenge will be to avoid punting your  remaining short stack of chips, hoping to suck out a win by entering hands where you know you are most likely behind.

Finally, there are the nuances you experience as the game progresses. The chips in front of you must be managed, placed as wagers, shuffled or handled as you await the tale of the cards. Raking and stacking a winning pot is pretty great too! Your cards must be examined and reexamined carefully as the game progresses and you contemplate your next move. You must study the play of your opponents. You must keep track, but not too closely, of distractions around you; table talk, television screens, cell phones, drinks, snacks. And of course, you must win...just often enough to keep you in the game as a matter of finances and interest.

So no folks. It is far from "moron poker." If you are a dedicated tournament player, it is always; "Teach me more on poker." I want to learn, I want to be patient and I want the Lady to visit me regularly. Hell, I'd even suck up if I could track her down.

See you at the final table.

Hill Climb - Riders of the Purple Sage II

Set up a couple hundred feet from bottom
Rev it, pop clutch and run through gears

The Thumper roars

Devil's Hole, Idaho 1976
L-R: Tom Campbell, Jack Ohl,
Charlie Brown III, Jerry "Leadbelly" Salsberry

The vibrations course through your entire body
Take it to the highest speed you feel fairly safe with
Hit the bottom and start climbing that hill

Incline causes loss of momentum
Lose traction
Front end gets lighter
Downshifting to increase torque
Run out of gears short of top

Front wheel bounces high
Bail out, bail out!
Get away from falling metal
Bike lays on hillside

Lift it, heavy
Dead weight
Hand holding brake
Position it pointed downhill

Release brake
Run alongside
Hop on
Pop the clutch
Thumper comes to life

Ride and slide to the bottom
To try again


(For Jack, CB III and Leadbelly - see Riders of the Purple Sage I)

Squirrel Nuts

The following is the absolute truth I swear

I was at the golf course this afternoon

Polishing my single digit handicap a little

(Alright I have lied already

But this is the last time honest!)

I was sitting at a picnic table

Outside the clubhouse

Enjoying a healthy sandwich

(Okay it was a hot dog with everything.)

And I couldn’t help but notice

There were at least a dozen squirrels

Within fifty feet of me

They were all playing Squirrel Nuts

Some were looking

Some were burying

Some were digging up

Some were eating

I don’t know

I was thinking they were all a little confused

"Acting squirrelly" you might say

It made me think of our 535+1

Maybe they are all playing Squirrel Nuts too

Don’t forget though

It’s all our fault

We put those particular squirrels there

Geezer - The Transition

No, this isn't me.
But it is close.

Unlike factual events including birthdays and anniversaries, I don't think there is an actual moment a person officially becomes a "geezer."  It's more an evolving state of  appearance and perhaps your own state of mind, "Damn, I'm getting old." Or others, "Wow, look at that old geezer!"

I would like to point out here that Geezer is yet another male-dominated class... the dictionary simply defines it as "old man."  So, sorry ladies, we own this one.  You don't want a piece of this anyway.

Perhaps it is part of the progression from the old monikers, "Squeeze" (young person) to "Wrinkle" (old person) although I am pretty sure many of us achieve Wrinkle status well before Geezer status.

In addition to a progression of wrinkles, there seem to be many characteristics that distinguish a person as a Geezer.  I can think of a few and I had better list them here before I forget them... short-term memory loss being, of course, a key sign of geezerness.  Here are my top ten, in no particular order:

1. I just mentioned short-term memory loss. Or did I?  When a person is young this characteristic is most often thought of as absent-mindedness and it can often be brought on by "information overload." (Yeah, better Google that.  Check out author Alvin Toffler's "Future Shock" while you're at it.)  When you get old it's different.  For a Geezer, it just happens... no excuses.  Plus, if you didn't hear it, how could you get it let alone remember it?!

2. Infirmities: My observation, likely practiced by millions of others before me; as we grow old and greet our peers we increasingly tend to discuss our infirmities before, if ever, moving on to other topics.

I first observed this tendency just as I was entering the world of geezers, somewhere in my early 60's.  Geezer conversations are not for the faint of heart - or conversely, perhaps they are only for the faint of heart!

3. Pills: Wasn't taking many at all really when old age started creeping up on me.  At first that is.  Then, I gradually kept adding to my morning regimen until I adopted the "load up a plastic compartmentalized container marked Sunday through Saturday" technique to save time in preparing a handful or so.  Next, some evening pills quickly became candidates for similar advance packing.  Now, I use two blue containers for night pills and two of different colors for day pills so I can set aside two weeks' worth at a time.

The worrisome thing about the container technique occurs when you get down to that last day. You then realize two more weeks have gone by and you will not get them back.  But you buck up and press on, loading them puppies up for another round. Outwardly you remain undaunted for this exercise but inwardly... WTactualF?!

4. Wrinkles: Previously mentioned.  No need for further discussion.

5. Walking:  Hey, it's just putting one foot in front of the other right?!  But then, why does this suddenly become less predictable?  Is there such a thing as short-term memory loss for muscles?

6. Sleeping:  Let's face it Geezer... when your head hits that pillow it's anybody's guess.  You don't know if you are going to sleep or not and if you do, whether you will sleep for ten hours or two.

7. Exercise:  Well Geezers can do it just as often - but more restful (in)activities are much more appealing right?!

8. Thinking:  Seriously, I love this one.  As a Geezer, I get to look out the window and think of moments in life when I was a vibrant Squeeze... loving, learning, running, chasing, taking in every last possible moment.  Call it sentimentality if you like.  Calling it "gushing sentimentality" is even better.

9. Dying:  Yes it's gotta' be on the list right?  Geezer relatives and pals are dying off and you miss them.  Each one also reminds you of your own mortality.  In these modern times... you have a growing number of Facebook friends who still have pages yet have passed.

10. Gratitude:  Yup, no list of qualifications would be complete without this one.  You have to be eternally grateful to your God or to your circumstance, whichever you prefer,  to have lived long enough to gain Geezer status.  Yet there will be no medals no sir... just an increasing dose of respect from folks you don't even know.  As a bonus for (you know who you are) young'uns who used to be called "wise ass." you now get to be regarded as somewhat of a "sage"... if you're lucky that is.

Geezer Remedies: diet, exercise, stretching... repeat ad nauseam.

Above all, don't forget to look back and embrace those remarkable people you have met and loved.  Don't forget to look back on your greatest experiences and relive them in your mind as best you can.  Hell, go ahead and embellish them if you want, no one will mind.  If you need a little inspiration, pull up your most loved tunes on YouTube or Spotify, turn up the volume a little and let those puppies wash over you. Then, go ahead and take a well deserved nap. 

My Valentine

My Valentine - 1970

"Happy Valentine's Day!"
I said first thing this morning.
She said it back to me.

My response; "This is the 49th time we have said this."

She said; "Yes.  And my Mom passed away 50 years ago today. I can't believe it has been that long."
(My Valentine was just 18 at the time.)

I want to somehow fill that empty space in her heart. Space her Mom could have filled for so many more years. I know that I cannot possibly do this.

And I think about the wonderful relationship she has with her daughter.

And I wish she could have had more of the same with her Mom.

And I wish I could say this to her Mom;
"Your daughter has filled the room with her smiles and laughter for all of her days. She warms the hearts of her son, daughter and husband every moment she is in our lives. You must be so proud of her, your Julieann Marie. Thank you for giving her to us and Happy Valentines' Day Betty Thomas."

Flipping

On our short, three block segment of ten street homes, one home has flipped and two are in the process already this year.

Time had come for folks who weren't so old when we first moved into the neighborhood just over 30 years ago.

Millie and Ken's Place
Good folks now gone

The house across from us was once occupied by Millie, retired school teacher and Ken, retired engineer.    Ken passed a few years back and Millie has found fun in a retirement center. Their home of around 55 years just hit the flip stage.  You can tell as the Mercedes, BMW's and Grand Cherokee's park often and stay a while...their owners carefully going over the premises inside and out.  Makes me think of vultures hovering over a desert carcass. Of course it's not really that bad, just time marching on.

Millie and Ken never really upgraded their home from when they bought it new around 1959, save a new roof a few years back.  Now it needs dual-pane windows, new flooring and new kitchen redesign and remodel, 2.5 baths remodeled and a wall or two knocked down.  Could also use new contemporary siding, some serious lawn work and quite possibly new furnace and air conditioner.

The flippers are all over this one like a cheap suit.  Hell, I was even kicking it around with Julie.  But...I am too ignorant about putting the proper deal together plus, Millie and Ken's daughter has it priced about $50k over market...way past the ballpark.  The expert flippers will figure it out though, eventually.

This is Sacramento in 2018 and there ain't enough homes to go around. 'Merica.  Land of opportunity. 

Quantum Poker - The Wrinkle's Run

We used to have these terms; "Squeeze" referring to someone who was young and "Wrinkle" was...well you know, the opposite.  I have now moved well beyond wrinkle status.  However, somehow I manage to hang around in poker tournaments to reach the final 'cash' table now and then. This is in spite of the fact that there are plenty of "squeezes" hanging around to apply the pressure with smart, aggressive play.

This past November, one of our newer Sacramento area casinos, Stones Gambling Hall put on their "Quantum" tournament. This included a number of satellite tourneys a player could use to qualify for the final day, in all a $100,000 guaranteed pot. I got lucky in one of the cheaper $120 qualifiers and won $250 while bagging 91,000 chips to go along with a seat in the "Main Event" final day tournament. On that day, you could just enter cold for $900 and get 100,000 starting chips or have previously qualified as I did. You could also re-enter for another $900 if you got knocked out.

Early on the final day a poker pal, Eric, shoved all-in in front of me with pocket queens while I was sitting on pocket Aces and I doubled up.

It was pretty cool that Eric went to the cashier's cage, bought in again for another $900 and ended up finishing 7th overall in the tournament.

The rest of the day went pretty smooth with no major set backs and I continued to increase my chip stack in spite of the young, and not-so-young guns in the crowd. We went from 11Am to about 11PM with a ten-minute break every couple of hours. Then, to my surprise, I found myself among the 9 players headed to the final table.

Final table underway!
(click on the photo to enlarge)

Stones Gambling Hall's Table #11 is set up professionally for televising with commentary. It has several cameras and special lighting. The table is set up to electronically read the cards players as they are dealt so commentators can share details about players and hands with their audience. What made this event special was our commentators; Lon McEachern, the "voice of poker" pretty much world-wide and Michale Loncar, teaching pro. Those two were the frosting on the cake for a great tournament.

Our final table was to be broadcast live on Twitch.tv. That meant a 20-minute delay so competitors couldn't be coached by outsiders during real-time action.

Nah, I'm not going to play this one...
(click on the photo to enlarge)

I was pretty excited about the whole thing so I texted the family in case they were still up and could watch. Son Tyler and wife Julieann were up and dialed it right in. It wasn't long before he began coaching me on general play and I loved it. Some of Tyler's texts included:

He's telling me to say calm - much like I used to advise him when he was pitching in baseball; "Deep breath, back of the hand." The "breath" to help calm him and "Back of the hand" a technical reference to positioning his pitching (left) hand toward the batter before he began his wind up.

(click on the photo to enlarge)

I did not have the presence of mind to tell him even pocket Aces gets beat 18% of the time but his advice was right on. Loved the "unzip" part...right after following this advise, we caught a couple of hands and got back in the game enough to outlast a couple more players.

(click on the photo to enlarge)

We couldn't hear the commentators at the table so it was pretty cool that Tyler shared their impressions with me.  I went out fifth and, as I was cashing Tournament Director Justin Kuraitis asked me if I wanted a security escort to the parking garage. I initially said "no" but after collecting that fifth place cash I thought better of it and the guard accompanied me to the car. It was 2:30 am so not a bad idea eh?!

And there you have it...an old wrinkle's adventure. If you want to see some of the actual proceedings here is a link to the YouTube episode: Quantum $100k Guaranteed Final Table.

Thanks Stones Gambling Hall, Thanks Son Tyler and most of all, thanks Lady Luck!

The "Clock"

In the poker game of Texas hold'em there is an etiquette option for a player to call the "clock" on an opponent.  This occurs when a player is taking what appears to be more than a reasonable amount of time to make a decision to call, raise or fold his hand. It is an option rarely used because players recognize how tough a decision can be and generally want to give their opponents all the time they need.  

The vast majority of players make their decisions quickly. But, calling the "clock" can be useful when a player "tanks" (takes too long to take action).  In reality, you might not see a clock called in thousands of tournament poker hands.  When it does happen, the dealer calls the Tournament Director to the table to notify the player and begin a 30 second countdown, typically with "10 second" and "5 second" reminders.

So here's the story...yesterday in our local Capital Casino Sunday tournament we were well into the second series of four intervals (maybe 2 hours) when this hand occurred:

I was at or near the big blind (last to bet on a hand preflop) and looked down at Ace, six unsuited.  I had a decent chip stack of about 20,000.  The blinds were 300/600.  Bets went around the 10 player table and there were 4-5 callers before my turn.  I rarely play Aces with small kickers but, since no one had raised I sensed an opportunity to take down the sizable pot by semi-bluffing so I raised to 6,000.  Players folded around the table but one player, with a somewhat larger chip stack decided to go "all-in."

I was sitting with one third of my stack in the pot and was almost certain I would be behind when the hands were revealed.  My choices were to "ship" the rest of my chips to a likely losing cause or fold.  I did have a small chance my Ace was on top but it didn't look good. At that time we had maybe 30 players left of 60+ in the tournament so we weren't that close that I had to hang on to my chips in hopes of hitting the final and cashing.

Being left handed - I have to admit that I struggle with working without deadlines so that probably had a lot to do with my predicament as I sat for long time trying to decide what to do.  Then finally, one of my old pals, "A.F." said something like; "Tom, with all respect and I love you like a brother and all but you have to make a decision here." Ordinarily, players not involved in a hand are not allowed to comment while another player is all in but no one including me objected. I said something like: "Your are right A.F. - go ahead and call a clock on me." He didn't want to do it so I called one on myself.

In 8 years or so of live tournament poker I have only seen a clock called maybe a dozen times and two of those times I have called it on myself.  I needed that deadline in order to act you see. I really can't see that as associated with being left-handed but the old wives tale says we lefties are procrastinators so I will go with that.

The Tournament Director came to our table and the dealer told him I had called the clock on myself.  The Director, Mark then began a 30 second clock.  "Ten seconds."  "Five seconds."  At that I decided it was probably time for me to go home so I shoved my remaining chips into the pot.  My opponent showed Ace, Jack off suit against my Ace, six off suit.  The flop (next three cards) was uneventful, the turn was the same...nothing for either player.

The river (seventh and last card) came and BOOM, it was a six giving me the win.  This is called a "suck-out" in poker parlance and it was big.  I pulled in around 50,000 in chips and was on my way to a 3-way chop (tie) for first place in the tournament, pocketing 8 times the entry fee.

I had several other suck-outs yesterday...it was one of those days where Lady Luck kept patting me on the back even when I didn't deserve it.  It happens to all us players now and then.

This reminds me that poker is, in many ways like Christmas.  The dealer gives you cards (presents). When you look (open) at them you see something you were hoping for 'Pocket Aces!' or you see another set of underwear that Grandma gave you, or something in between.  It's the in-betweens that can give you fits.

See you at the Final Table.