Molly Phelps-Torres Campbell

Yes, Molly has earned the right to share her name with these famous Olympians. Here’s why.

Since she was a few weeks old, Molly (Famous Golden Retriever) has spent most of her waking hours in our backyard… this has made it more hers than any other member of our family.  As you may recall it is the site of her notorious “Cereal Killer” escapades in an earlier post to this blog.  Also, since Samantha and Tyler have grown, Molly has taken over the swimming pool – exercising a territorial imperative that cannot be rightfully contested.

As a Retriever, she is naturally drawn to water and more so anything that is thrown in it.  In the past few years Molly has developed her affinity for retrieval into a game called Mollyball.  Along the way, she has developed a certain set of rules as well. 

This is basically how it works…  I sit in a chair on the patio approximately 30 feet from the pool.  Molly brings me her tennis ball and insists (with single barks of authority spaced about ten seconds apart) that I toss the ball in the pool so she can retrieve it.  Sounds normal enough until you become aware of some of the rules that accompany this scene…

The Rule of Thirds:  I try to bounce the ball off the pool apron so it pretty much stays where it lands in the water.  I toss it to land in the deep end so Molly will get more exercise once the ball is retrieved by having to swim to the shallow end where the exit steps are.  Once in a while, she forgets her own preference and swims to the single pool step at the deep end. The deep end has a high rise step and she hates to crawl out from there – she will, in fact, whine pitifully when she does this and realizes her mistake.  

Anyway the catch here is that the ball must land somewhere within a third and midway across the pool so she can make a graceful jump and grab the ball off the surface in one motion.  She really doesn't like to jump in and flop around trying to get the ball.  It’s not cool.

If the ball lands too short, she will pull up at the last second and watch the ball until it floats far enough out to make her jump… or floats far enough to grab from the opposite edge without going in. While watching for this, she will glance back once in a while to make sure I haven’t run out of patience and quit the game entirely. If the ball bounces past the midpoint or closer to two-thirds of the way across the pool she will also pull up short, then run around to the other side to watch the ball for indications she can make her jump or wait for it to come in.

That is the "Rule of Thirds."  If you don’t know it, you will never be remotely successful at Mollyball.

Center Stymies:  This happens when I accidentally land the ball right in the center of the pool.  Then, Molly will typically pull up and wait for the ball to make the next move.  Sometimes it doesn't move far enough either way for her to make the graceful jump decision, it just moves toward either end.  Then she just watches it for a very long time until it gets within muzzle-pool edge range. Of course, this makes her Mollyball partner crazy with impatience.

Fair drop – Foul drop: A “fair drop” is when Molly returns to the chair I am in and drops with ball a foot or so in front of me.  At that point, I can reach over, grab it and launch it again.  A “foul drop” is when she misses and it rolls out of arm's reach.  When that happens she indulges me and retrieves it for another attempt at a “fair drop.”  When we are playing dry Mollyball just on the lawn (usually in cool mornings and during cooler months) and she is not jumping in and out of the pool she returns the ball and waits until I take it out of her muzzle.

The Thoughtful Shake (Nice):  Upon exiting the pool, Molly has somehow figured out that she should drop the ball, do her water shake, pick up the ball and then head for her partner.  She has figured out keeping her partner fairly dry during a game makes the game last longer.

The Not-so Thoughtful Shake (Not-so nice): Once in a while, Molly can’t resist a second shake while standing next to me as I reach down to fetch a ball and relaunch it.  This not so thoughtful unless it is a really hot day then it is okay.  She doesn't know the difference so the occurrence is a crap-shoot.

Interruptions:  Molly permits game interruptions of three kinds. First, if she spots a squirrel, she will go after it immediately and it doesn't matter whether it is out of her reach as they typically are.  Second, a call of nature must be answered immediately although she is thoughtful enough to answer it outside of the field of play.  Third, during each game she will elect to practice her “Stop, drop and roll” technique two or three times.  She will stop, drop the ball, drop herself to the ground, roll around on her back, execute a couple of satisfied grunts then get up, grab the ball and return to the game.  Her partner has thus far resisted the impulse to follow her example (it’s the getting up part that would be difficult for me).

End Game: The game is over when the first one quits.  The one who quits is the loser. The game has been known to last as many as fifty ball retrievals before her partner (usually me) runs completely out of gas.

This brings me to the “Phelps-Torres” moniker.  Molly will be 10 years old next week.  I think that is seventy in dog years yet she can spent the entire day in the pool.  She has the stamina of Dana Torres.  In addition, according to her rules Molly has won every game of Mollyball she has ever played… thus the Michael Phelps connection. You read it here first…