No Man's Land

You know what I am referring to. Yes, it is the tiny armrest that fiercely separates two passengers on an airplane. There are no laws written for this freakin' war zone... no Geneva convention.

Usually it is first come, first served. Whoever plops their elbow down first owns the spot for the duration of the flight. If the owner moves their elbow for any reason, the pitiful vermin who was originally aced out gets to jump on it... elbow freely flying, relishing it's new found freedom. That's the way of life in the airborne jungle for all; from the seasoned, jaded road warrior to the untested innocent. Yet there is the occasional breakdown in this unwritten code...

Once, on a godawful small plane run from DC to Denver he was stuck on the worst seat there is on any airplane, the extreme rear window seat. That's right, the one that won't recline because it is up against the sweet smelling bathroom. He was a last minute add on because his earlier flight had been cancelled.

As you know a person in this situation is the lowest form of life... one who should be grateful to considered among the living let alone get a seat. Anyway there he was, and his elbow had claimed squatter's rights on the tiny middle armrest.  

Then a fairly large white collar Ivy League type sat next to him in the aisle seat. Things were okay for a while... but then the aisle seat snake placed his elbow on the arm rest and proceeded to apply pressure to the window sap's elbow. Remember, the window guy had been there first. The window guy had been in the reverse situation many times before and had always made a point to hang out over the aisle, giving the poor bastard on the window just a little more room. That made him consider the ivy guy all the more obnoxious. Finally he said something fairly unmemorable to which the thoughtless Ivy aisle snake replied, "I have a right to some of this armrest."... to which the window guy replied through clenched teeth; "Perhaps you would like to discuss this further on the tarmac after we land". Whereupon the lowly Ivy snake aisle guy relinquished the half inch of armrest space he had acquired without regard to unwritten airplane law.

He would have bitch slapped the snake right there on the spot but thought his sweet wife might be frightened by the sight of him coming off the plane in shackles. Plus, there wasn't enough room to wind up.  It was a small victory for peace talks.