Gimme an I!
Gimme an M. R. I.!
What's that spell?!
Nothing.
Its an acronym
For Magnetic Resonance Imaging
Or what I like to now refer to as
A day in the looney bin.
You see I 'got this hearing loss
It all started in '72
When ultra patient wife Julie, brother Dave and I
Attended a rock concert
At the Los Angeles Forum
Iron Butterfly and Canned Heat
The sound engineer must have been on something that day
When we left my ears were ringing
And haven't stopped since
No problem, pretty easy to get used to...
But other noise since and aging
Have compounded things
To the point where "What?" is by far the most common word in my vocabulary
An ENT doc & pal from our soccer daughter's past experiences
Thought it would be good to check my head with an MRI
See if anything is there
(Many of you believe there isn't I know)
So I was off to get my head examined
(As many of you have requested in the past)
Fast forward to exam room...
 |
| Exactly as I was positioned Note Lady Gaga apparatus over head I was ready to sing "Edge Of Glory" White object is mirror so patient (me) Can see tech in room behind machine |
Got me quickly positioned with head in restraints
(As many of you have long hoped)
Positioned a Lady Gaga Memorial plastic face over me
Then crammed plugs in my ears & continued explaining things
"I can't hear you at all now" She just gave me a knowing smile
I picked up "...half hour", "...don't move", and few other tidbits anyway
As the machine crammed me into this giant tube my last words were; "2001, space Odyssey!"
She smiled again for me
Okay, okay I was desperate to break the tension with a little lame humor
My tube was snug-on-shoulders cozy
And I thought...I'm kinda' like human toothpaste right now!
Hope nobody squeezes it...
Then, a cacophony of loud frickin' noises hit my space capsule
First the sounds of a circular saw making passes at... My head?
Next a jackhammer... rhythmic and persistent
Then a klaxon (What? The hard hats taking a break already?)
And then, in "dueling banjos" fashion a klaxon and a hammer tapping some metal object,
All of them were in sevens; seven tolls of the klaxon followed by seven blows of the hammer
Finally at the end of the first round Klaxon II went off...
Louder and more persistent, it made me want to shout "All hands on deck!" and maybe "Abandon ship!"
...except I was never in the Navy so I kept quiet
Then, 15 minutes in, came the injection she had mentioned
"Contrast agent" she had called it
I thought it might in fact be some sort of shape altering substance
So I was laying there.. waiting for my eye teeth to grow longer... Much longer
Instead we made mashed potatoes... at least that is what it seemed like
It was the muffled sound of an electric mixer working partly mashed potatoes
And tapping against the side of an aluminum pan...
Ok maybe it was stainless steel
Trip over...
Gimme another M!
Gimme another...nah, never mind.
2 comments:
Tom, i did the tube in practically prototype days in Rome around year 2000. i counted 17 different strange sounds while in there, since there was little else to do.
I went to a Forum concert only once, in '75, ears rang for three days. I never wanted to go back for another.
(my word verification was rophi)
Hi Tom,
I feel for you. My husband and my oldest older brother both have tinnitis, bordering on becoming a major quality of life issue. My husband has the combination of rock concerts, and racing motorcycles, along with covering races for Cycle News when he was in his early twenties. I hope your exam was reassuring for you, and gave you some answers.
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