Fifteen Groups - Who May Not Enter or Have To Go

Today, Saint John's Abbey in Minnesota released an internal report on 19 monks abusing dozens of children over the years.

Okay, that ices it for me.  I need to build a list...retroactive and otherwise of people and groups I am going to keep out of this country.  I mean, I've had it.  So let's begin:

1. Syrians - This is a no-brainer right?!  Give me a minute and I will come up with a plausible reason.
2. Muslims - Of course they are all guilty by association and I will supply the name of those associations forthwith.  The majority of our nation's Governors assure me they will provide that information soon. Also, since 29% of Americans and 43% of Republicans believe our President is a Muslim, I am going to have to ask him to leave.
3. Catholics - All of them...don't immigrate here and if you are here, leave.  Their priests and monks are pedophiles so they all have to go. Clean out those churches folks completely! Except me. I get to stay because I am casting the first stone.
4. Japanese - They're outta here. I mean, they bombed Pearl Harbor right?
5. Latinos - every last one. C'mon folks...Remember the Alamo!!!
6. Germans - None come in and all who are here must leave. Need a reason?  WWII and attempted extermination of Jews. (Unless of course the Holocaust was not real - I gotta' check on that.) 
7. Protestants - are you keeping up here?!  Hello Crusades!
8. Italians - Hey....Il Duce?  And the crucifixions? Nuff said.
9. All blacks - After all, is there a single African country that doesn't have an historical person or group who has attempted some form of genocide or something related? Wait, I guess that includes all white countries too...
10. Pilgrims - That's right...they launched one of the most successful genocide campaigns in history against Native Americans. Think of it, those weird hats and knickers - you had to know they were up to no good.
11. All Middle Easterners - Hey...if they look like terrorists it must be so right?!
12. Koreans - Yup, all of them. Just because you live in South Korea doesn't mean you aren't in cahoots with those in the North.
13. Vietnamese - Look, North Vietnam won the war. Then they mingled with South Vietnam.  Now they must all be North Vietnamese even if they live in the South - it's only logical.
14. Chinese - There's just too damn many of them and they can't all be innocent right?!
15. Everybody else - Let's just wipe the slate clean then set up an immigration process that takes 85 years to complete...followed by a compulsory 25 year cooling off period.

Now, one might argue that compliance with this list means the United States will end up looking much like the landscape of the Moon or Mars. To that I say; "That's okay because at least the eventual last person standing who will by the way, be a Native American, will feel safe."  

Feeble...Infirm? Yes or no?!

In California, as a person all too rapidly approaches 70 (we're not talking speed limit here either Bubette) the state likes to double check to see that you have not become feeble and infirm.  They do this by testing your vision, your knowledge and your ability to stand in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

It sure as hell isn't THIS sunny.

If you have first secured an appointment online, you will only have to wait 30 minutes or so to check in at the "I have an appointment" desk.  Then you quickly get a number and stare at screens in the waiting area until your number comes up.  If you don't have an appointment the process is the same except you will likely celebrate a birthday, anniversary and a couple other life events. Yup, all that while you wait among the "huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of the teeming" highways.

Today, I found myself among those rapidly approaching 70...damnit.  I had an appointment so I got the 30 minute treatment. Once in, we moved pretty fast through a couple of stations.  The DMV folks quickly numbered me among the infirm as I informed them I could not hear but I passed their vision test so they had to let me slip by.

Next I was directed to the exam and photo room.  There I demonstrated my feebleness as I passed the written driving exam but was instructed to return to the computer to take my motorcycle safety exam...must have missed that part of the instructions. I had not prepared to take the latter but my guesses were lucky as hell so I made it through.  The photo lady didn't like my first picture (Did I hear her mutter "too ugly?") but threw up her arms and gave up after the second attempt.

All in all, it was a humbling experience being packed in with those teeming masses, then herded and examined by some expert herders and examiners.  But... once finished I left all that humility crap behind and am now once again free to terrorize the highways in my Red Sled and loot and pillage villages on my Harley.

Look out... here I come.
 

Books in. Books out. Hell yes!

I was so desperate for something to read.  So desperate I was actually more than half way through Zinsser's book; "On Writing Well."  According to some, this book is second only to Strunk's "The Elements of Style" which is on most lists of the top 100 non-fiction books of all time.  "Elements" is another book I have begun and may finish one day when I am again desperate.

Then I noticed an article in the Sacramento Bee announcing an SPCA benefit book sale at a mall nearby.  I thought, well I have never been to one of these so maybe I will stumble across something.

I came up with a couple of reasons to explore this a little; first, to round up and donate books around home that would never make to our keeper shelf.  The keeper shelf holds a few special books that I hope someone in our family discovers to read, or read again or loans to someone one day.  Books that don't make the shelf are generally donated to Goodwill or, if particularly crappy, are sent directly to the recycle can out back.

My second mission would be to cruise the Internet for another look at all-time best non-fiction book lists and note any titles I might want to look for at the sale.

I wasn't expecting much but when I arrived early this morning on the first day of the sale I noticed the parking lot was surprisingly full.  I grabbed my "yes sir, yes sir two bags full" of books and headed in. There was a line outside waiting to drop off donations but it moved pretty quick. She said; "Do you want to fill out a form for tax purposes?"  Nah, I want to leave a few residual tax dollars in the Fed coffers to fill in a pothole on one of our nations's decrepit highways.  I said; "No thanks" and handed them over.

I headed in and was surprised to see what appeared to be thousands of books neatly laid out spine up on tables and somewhat categorized.  This was in an area maybe a quarter the size of a typical grocery store?  Even more surprising, there was a crowd of well over a hundred crammed into the area, all closely checking out the titles. I waded in and and spent most of my time ducking browsers who were seriously examining areas I wanted to get at.  I finally made it through two sections that caught most of my interest; History and Biographies.  Suddenly I had five books picked and was headed for check out...yup, more lines.  My five picks were;

• "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings", Maya Angelou
• "The Autobiography of Malcolm X", as told by Alex Haley
• "Kitchen Confidential", Anthony Bourdain
• "The Gangs of New York", Herbert Asbury
• "Clapton", Eric Clapton

Five books. Ten bucks.  Can't miss.

All right, all right...brief explanations are in order I reckon.  The first two are on most lists of all time best non-fiction books so I have to check them out.  "Kitchen" is written by one of my favorite characters...he has a couple of world travel/food television shows I really enjoy. "The Gangs of New York" was a great movie so I am naturally curious about the book and finally "Clapton" seems interesting right?

The only distressing thing about the whole experience was the number of old people who were there. But then, I look in the mirror and see...well, you know what I see.