Spuds and Big Willy - It's the Little Things

One Thanksgiving morning I was assigned "KP" duties by the "boss of me." Among other tasks, one was to peel a dozen potatoes.  Given several options for getting the job done, I selected a plain old paring knife and had at it.

I was soon preoccupied with trying to carve the longest peel possible and my feeble mind began wandering to KP days past... mainly the first.

In the fall of '63, I was seventeen years old and in Air Force basic training at Lackland Air Force Base, Texas.  As part of our "training" we would also get picked for various odd jobs on the base. One night I caught  KP duty at the Air Force's largest hospital, Wilford Hall Medical Center, affectionately known as "Big Willy."  My main job was, you guessed it... peeling potatoes and I learned how that night.  It was a pretty good job, just sitting there letting my mind wander as it did again this morning. I also caught delivery duties to the inpatient wards.  We would load up giant carts with hot meals and get to ride elevators to the heights of the grand old center.

We were at it pretty late on those jobs... well past midnight. At the end of our shift, the full-time kitchen staff had pity on us raw recruits and let us each have an ice cream cup.  We worked so hard for that ice cream it still stands out in my mind as the best I have ever had.

Twenty years later, I was an Air Force Medical Service Corps officer stationed in the same area, San Antonio, Texas. I was working for Paul Murrell.  He and I were assisting some 1,200 MSCs with their development and follow-on assignments. One day, at a casual meeting there, a senior Colonel named Keith Curtis looked at me and asked a question in a collegial way;  "Tom, what do you want to do, be Administrator of Wilford Hall (his job) one day?" Considering my previous assignment was as administrator of Malmstom Hospital, I got pretty fired up and my answer was an immediate; "Yes!"  

But then after 24 short years; 6 as a medic, 5 as an intelligence specialist and 13 amazing years as a member of the Medical Service Corps, I was sidetracked with curiosity about health care administration in the civil sector and end up serving another career there. Still, to this very day I would like to be Administrator of Wilford Hall (thank you Keith) and still, I would like to peel another potato there.

Twenty-seven years after that meeting (this morning) I pulled the KP assignment once again. I am grateful now, as I was then for those seemingly menial tasks and for all that has transpired in between.

(November '17 update:  The demolition of "Big Willy" is now up for bid.)

(September '23 update:  The demolition of Wilford Hall is near complete.)

For some, life goes on.  For others...it ends.  But the journey... oh, the journey!

Flaming A__holes

The past couple of days I have been distracted with curiosity about the origin of the idiom; "Flaming Asshole."

So naturally I decided to check with the god of all knowledge, Google to see what I might find.  Here are the results...with some of my own speculation thrown in for good measure:

flaming asshole: Origin unknown.  (Google is silent on this.)

1. "An extreme asshole." While it is listed in the urban dictionary, even there the information is sparse. Of course, this is the most common interpretation. In fact I have seen so many reminders of this lately, mostly in the political news*, that is why I have decided to give the expression its due.
2. Associated with lighting farts.  This is the true origin I suspect.  I first witnessed this in a military dorm during my late teens.  I didn't think it was possible until I saw it.  It works just like a blow torch, except when the perpetrator tries too hard and accidentally drops a log on the floor.  I have witnessed this too.  The second time I heard discussion of the practice was from a nurse describing her times with her brothers when they were teenagers growing up in rural Northern California (yes, supposedly she was a participant).
3. A cocktail and there are several variations.  Here's one...1/2 oz of each of these ingredients:
• Grenadine syrup
• Green creme de menthe
• Creme de bananas
• Overproof rum
• Layer in the same exact order, syrup first.  Ignite rum before serving and serve with a straw.

*There are also a large number of flaming assholes in the entertainment world, in professional sports and in the top tiers of the business community.  This occurs at a much higher rate than in the ranks of the common man.  In fact the exact, scientifically proven figures are shown here (expressed in a ratio as direct, whole numbers...for example 5:10 means five of every ten or 50% are flaming assholes):

• Entertainment        4.20:10  (mainly overblown egos...if drug abuse is considered, multiply the factor by 1.5)
• Sports                     2.30:10 (the number doubles when you add in domestic abuse cases)
• Business                 5.00:10 (this figure does not allow for leaders who have no vision or regard for the future...for those who do not understand that the middle class is what drives their wealth - multiply by 1.75)
• Politics                   9.95:10 (with a small allowance for those who simply cannot distinguish their assholes from a hole in the ground)
• Common Man        0.01:10 (scatological exclamations in heavy traffic have not been counted)

So there you have it; everything you ever wanted to know about flaming assholes. Feel free to use this handy guide for...whatever.

And here is a cautionary quote from the famous graffiti artist and philosopher(?) Banksy; "The more grumpy you are, the more assholes you meet."

Tall Paul

Rumor has it that Annette Funicello
Was singing about Warren (Paul) Murrell
When she recorded this song back in 1959

(okay, okay maybe not)
He would have been hanging around in
In his hometown...Lafayette Louisiana about then
Maybe 16 years old
Probably already "Tall"

He may have already met his wife, Nell 

Of more than 50 years by then to

Some years later he was an Air Force Lieutenant Colonel

Running the assignments and career development section
For the Air Force Medical Service Corps
At Randolph Air Force Base Texas
The job was a 'tall order
And he was successful in getting help
By adding a new position...
A deputy of sorts

I was a brand new major
About to come off a humanitarian assignment
And Paul interviewed me at an MSC symposium
He was suffering from some sort of judgement deprivation that day
So he chose me
We would go on to spend something over three years together
Supporting around 1,200 Air Force health care administrators
As they moved on average every three years
(Some much more often)
From base to base around the world

Of the 1,200, a thousand or more were on their way up
In rank, responsibility or both and we tried to help
Around 100 were on their way down and we tried to help soften the blow
In my 50 plus years of work, from apple picker to hospital administrator 

To health plan COO to consultant
I have never had a finer job nor a finer boss

The women and men of the Medical Service Corps
In the mid-eighties were by and large ethical, hard working
Collegial and devoted to quality health care delivery
For all Air Force families
Tall Paul Murrell was their perfect shepherd

His favorite saying was (and probably still is)
"On the other side of it..." as a preface to looking
At an issue from another perspective
And then, when he didn't want to give in on an issue
His other favorite expression would surface; "I continue to believe..."
All in that Southern gentleman voice, wrapped in persuasion
I never got tired of witnessing that
As every day he and I tried to successfully work our way through
The politics of job assignments

There were a lot of times when there was no clear answer 

Or the powers that be dictated an action
And we ended up making a move that did not appear correct
When that happened, he would shake his head, flash that huge grin
And we would move on

His primary weapon was the truth
His primary goal was doing the best job for everyone
If you were face-to-face he would add that huge grin
And a twinkle in his eye
That signaled...between the two of you,
You could work things out

Paul and I have worked a lot together in our second lives:

• The start up of CRI - the original Tricare contract
• Firms like Aetna and Prudential in pursuit of subsequent Tricare contracts
• Small non-profit health care quality assurance firms on Medicare and Medicaid initiatives

Beyond the Medical Service Corps
Through it all, the magic and the truth 

(however hard that can be sometimes)
Has always served us

I am thinking, whenever he hits those heavenly gates,
Saint Peter will call him aside and say;
"Hey Paul, I need someone to help me make sure all these people
Get where they need to be. You seem to be the perfect man for the job."

That move would have my vote.

Remember the "I" in TRICARE

Consider this "TRICARE Health Matters" newsletter I received in the mail today. At least I think it was intended for me as it is addressed to; "TRICARE BENEFICIARY AT..."

Sure I looked at it. After all I am interested even if it was intended for someone else at this address...like maybe another "BENEFICIARY" here...my wife.

But then I thought, 'I have to be a little more critical as the spin seems a little off.'

First the easy stuff; Why do I have to be referred to as "TRICARE BENEFICIARY?" After all, if they can include my address, can't they include my name? How about Mr. and Mrs. Tom Campbell or something similar? And why do I have to be called "beneficiary?" Does that word make it seem like I am on the dole somehow? But that's okay, I don't want to nit pick here...or do I?

The next thing that caught my attention was the heading; "An Excellent Value." Now I do not recall exactly when the implied promise of a lifetime of health care was taken off the book of expectations for military retirees but it is clear...that promise is gone. In the meantime, I will likely never consider TRICARE an "excellent value" because... Airman Basic Tom Campbell figured if he stuck around for 20 or more years, health care would be one thing he wouldn't have to worry about. This wasn't just implied, it was stated many times by superiors and in print.

Next; "Generous Coverage"  Now I am starting to get a little rankled. "Generous?" Someone is being generous with me after I served for 24 years? I don't think so. To me, "generous" describes the $188,000 a year a retired fire chief here in Sacramento gets (just read this in the Bee today).

"Superior health care?" Well, everyone claims to deliver that, but I won't debate it.  I hold TRICARE (then CRI) enrollment card #2. Doctor Jim Shubert, RIP, holds #1).  I served with Jim at Foundation Health when TRICARE first rolled out and I think our combined military/civilian health system was and is terrific. I have been enrolled for more than 25 years now and have always believed I and my family had access to the best of whatever care we needed.

"Decisions are health driven, not insurance driven" Agree, and that is the way it should be for our entire nation. In the end, we all end up paying for those who neglect health care for lack of insurance and end up clogging the emergency rooms and chronic care functions of our system. In fact, if we got at them with decent health care early, it wouldn't cost as much. Oh yea, and we are all paying around 20 cents of each health care dollar to insurance executives so they will "contain costs."

"High satisfaction with care." Hear, hear!  There is nothing puffed up about that at all. We have known this ever since the first independent assessment was conducted by the Rand Corporation in 1990.

"Low out-of-pocket costs." True but...I am supposed to be thankful for that?! Nope.  Never happen. (See previous argument about "An Excellent Value")

"Easy access" Hear, hear again! Two thumbs up to companies such as Foundation Health now HealthNet, Humana, TriWest and recently, United Health for doing a fine job here but let's not forget; they are all getting paid and paid well.  Example; one CEO who came on right after CRI start up, claimed credit for "turning the company around," then left with over $30 million in his pocket after maybe 4 years.  So tell me, how much health care would $30 million buy?

So why is it necessary to put all that hyperbole on the front page of the TRICARE newsletter? Why 'sell' something when the newsletter is aimed at existing enrollees? Maybe there is a group of communications specialists at all these companies who are paid to make sure all documents include this stuff. In fact, maybe it is the same folks who were doing it over 25 years ago. Enrollees are mighty happy with the program and will continue to sign up in droves for lack of even a close second in terms of options. Just give us the facts and please, don't insult us by spinning a story about how lucky we are. We in the military kept comm specialists, their bosses and elected officials free so they could keep legislating, writing and getting paid the big bucks...you know, them and the fire chiefs and CEOs. We earned our humble place in the scheme of things.

An Air Force Story

I'm an old Air Force vet
Twenty-four damn fine years
Half as Airman medic and intelligence analyst
Half as Medical Service Corps officer

McLellan Park VA Clinic
(Not too busy but hey, its Saturday Morning)

All full of great adventures

I had great bosses along the way
And while a medic, the best mission in the world...
Helping keep our airmen healthy
While they served our country

So this morning I went to McClellan Park,
Sacramento California
To have my worn out ears examined
(No Don P., not my "head" as I am sure you would have hoped)

Main Hall from second floor

At the VA Clinic...formerly McClellan USAF Clinic

I hardly ever  (as in once every couple of years or less) go there
So it was a reunion of sorts with the surroundings

First impression...Air Force bases don't die and go to seed when closed
As I once thought
They are revitalized into well-planned business communities
Because the foundation or "infrastructure" that was there is so strong
(The same is true for what was once Mather Air Force Base)

The VA Clinic is impeccably maintained
A tribute to those who took over from us airmen
Back in Two Double Aught One

It was Saturday but I was on time for my appointment
And quickly greeted by a smiling audiologist
Everything went fine
Until I explained to the audiologist how I went through great pains
To put a loud aftermarket exhaust system on my Harley
Then purchased some mighty fine "Hearo" earplugs to protect my pitiful hearing

Fortunately the Psych folks don't work on Saturdays so she couldn't give me an immediate referral

Overall I was impressed by the surroundings and treatment for our area Veterans
My new, replacement AIDS (hearing that is) will be here in "4-6" weeks

I was at this clinic shortly after it first opened as a new Air Force facility

MSC Colonel Hugh Smith, his wonderful wife,
retired California School Teacher and published author Judy,
His son Shea and daughter Brandy
(The first enrolled CRI/TRICARE family)

In the Fall of 1988 when a DOD test program launched,
The "CHAMPUS Reform Initiative" now known as TRICARE

That day Air Force MSC Colonel Hugh Smith was Commander of that Clinic
McClellan was Hugh's second DBMS assignment
He was one of the first MSC's to successfully tackle a medical facility commander job

I was COO of Foundation Health Federal Services
Having retired from the Air Force a year or so earlier
I was there to congratulate the Colonel and his family as the very first ever to enroll in the program
It was a fine day, it is a great program and almost 26 years later we all have many reasons to celebrate it

The Colonel and yours truly

After my VA visit, I moseyed over to the BX to hang out a bit as I had't been in one in years
I couldn't help but notice all the crusty old varmints wandering around there
Some in suspenders, wheelchairs, walkers and so on
They made me feel younger than my years but then I know my day is coming
(Pretty sure Don P already has suspenders) 

Inside I noticed some products with the 'new' 10-year old Air Force logo on it
I reckon it is a sure sign of aging that I don't care for it
I am all for new but would have preferred something with a little more classic look
Instead of the stealth fighter similarities
Or are those wings folded more like a paper airplane?
But if you check it out on Wikipedia you will find out it was
A popular choice so there you have it


Lunch beckoned so I grabbed a fast food sandwich and sat outside
On a beautiful day taking in my surroundings
The commissary next door, barracks nearby, theater
And Clinic of course
All seemed comfortable...
Like home to me

26 years after leaving I can say
It was good
I am glad I spent all that time
With the Air Force
And with you who served with me

3/17/2018 update:  Here it is four years later and time seems to heal...or warp depending.  I now have grown accustomed to the new Air Force logo and in fact kind of like it...Whodathunk?!

Nuances - Get Your Flop, Turn and River On!

People ask me about my fascination with poker all the time
Not really...in fact they never ask
My response
Okay, if I were to have one
It would go something like this...

Its a combination of nuances that I love
Besides the mandatory Big Three that is
The Big Three being skill, patience and luck...
Luck outnumbering the others at least two to one

Its the comfort and surroundings of the Casino involved
Fine acoustics, quality furnishings, good food and fresh air
being chief among them
Mine is Sacramento's Capital Casino
It has all this and more

Its also the dealers, tournament directors and other staff
who are typically very skilled, friendly and cheerful
The owner, and customers must be doing right by them I would say...

Regular hold'em tournament players are a big part of the experience too
They number around eighty
Supplemented by a half dozen or so new or occasional players
Its a fine group made up of business professionals, night workers
(Tournaments are typically held mid-day), retirees and others
In all, the players are a solid bunch; good sports, friendly, and tough competitors

Additional subtleties are in things like the feel of the table felt
The comfort of the chairs
The quality (heft) and cleanliness of the chips
Especially to a chip shuffler like me
The position of the television screens
some informing you of tournament details
some showing athletic and other events
Let's not forget the cleanliness of the bathrooms

All this works in concert to make me cozy
Ready to do battle on the felt
Trying to make the most out of the cards
The Game of course being everyone's purpose

Even on days when luck is not a lady
I enjoy it - I call those days "Poker lessons"
So let's get them there "cards in the air" folks!
Can't wait 'til the next one begins...

The Road to Palookaville

Here somewhere on this historical and magnificent memoir...or not
Road Warrior theme spun within

As a kid

As in the Air Force

As a consultant for hire

Travel diminished somewhat
Over the past couple of years
What with more demand for remote work
And less demand for being there

I am not all unhappy with that...

But then traveler status has tanked too...

Hertz from President's Circle to Gold
Okay not bad, I can handle that

United from Premier Executive to Premier
And likely soon to 'Slug bait'

Marriott from Platinum Lifetime to...
Platinum Lifetime
What?!
For life?!
Nope, they weren't kidding
It's complimentary upgrades
Priority reservations
And concierge access
At Marriott's, for life
All because some time back
I racked up over a thousand lifetime nights

I stuck it out with Marriott
For more than twenty years
A loyal road warrior
And they said "thanks"
Anytime you stay with us again
No matter how often you travel
We are going to treat you
Like the loyal customer you are

United Airlines?
I have about 900,000 lifetime miles
Been in their Premier club
For, I don't know...
How long has that club

United Airlines new, improved boarding process!

Been in existence?
Since 1979? (so sayeth Wikipedia)
Probably since then

But now what to I get when I fly with them?
Seats that crush my kneecaps
I do not, repeat, do not have long legs either
Chest trauma from fold down tray seats
Middle seats with 300 pounders either side
Flowing over the armrests
Gently squeezing the life out of you
Also, "Don't check a bag or you'll pay...a__hole!"

Yeah, I was a contender at one time
Travel perks from one end to the other
Now just a dude from Palookaville...
Cannon fodder for a United sardine can...

Dive Bombing

On a visit to the coast

A photo taken from the stairs that evening

To watch Speedy do her first half-marathon
We happened to walk to the stairs
Descending to Solana Beach, California

As the sun set
We focused on the cresting waves
And their visitors

First the surfers
Patiently waiting for the day's final sets
Second the pelicans
Dive bombing dinner

The graceful birds would fly
Parallel to the crests
Often tucking their wings
Banking sharply into the ocean
To capture a delicacy

Their trajectory would frequently take them
Just a few feet from the surfers
Where they would splash in
Mostly ignored by their neighbors
Who were more intent on
Catching the next decent wave

Each to their own
Allowing for one another
Could be a formula for a decent world
Could it not?

The Redsled

A round trip planned...
To Boise to see old friend and colleague Kim Chournos
To Spokane to see old friend and colleague Jack Ohl
To Seattle to see old friend and brother David Campbell
And of course a proper dose of their families

The HOG and I were to go.
A bike trip through some great country

But pending 100+ weather
Plus the threat of Sun Valley smoke
From a large forest fire there
Caused a change
Yes, the "Badass" has turned into a fair weather rider...
Some would suggest "Pansyass"

I had ordered a bra...
For the Redsled

Just in case
So she was ready

(The "Redsled" is a low-mileage 2002 Torch Red Corvette

She's a "garage queen" that's right.)

Hadn't seen Kim in almost 40 years
He is among the handful of best healthcare administrators
I have known

Our visit was like we had never been apart
We promised to get together again one day
For a ride on the Harleys

The greatest part of the trip for the Redsled
Was straightening out the twisties
In the beautiful mountains between Boise and Spokane
We didn't push her limit but we pushed mine
And we had a ball
I was happy there was no one with me
To be white-knuckling the upholstery

Saw Jack again....
A world-class logistician
And a close pal for (yup) almost 40 years
Spent a perfect evening with him and Joan
In a hot-tub at their mighty fine home
On a Spokane hillside overlooking the city
Swilling wine... telling old and new lies

Saw brother David and his family
Wife and world's best pal Julieann flew in to join us for the weekend
Spent some time watching his son, Dakota, 10
at a football jamboree

His son loves the game it's obvious
From the way he blows through the offensive and defensive lines
He plays for himself of course
But he also plays for his Father and I

Home stretch back to Sacramento from Seattle
800 miles door-to-door
Split the trip into two days
In deference to my advancing physical age
Interstate 5 and the Redsled got along perfectly
At ten over most of the way

A teenager's dream
To ride the countryside
In a bright shiny 'Vette
Mark that sucker off the bucket list!

PeeeeeeEsssssss
"Grandma's House" in Yreka California
Serves up an old-fashioned killer breakfast
Home fries perfectly browned
Eggs with fried edges yet not overcooked
Sausage patty "from local packer"
And a steaming fresh home-made biscuit
With plenty of butter and a big glob of jelly
(this last is for you Bob Bunker where ever you are...)

Note:  Kim passed away on September 25th, 2013... just a few weeks after our reunion.  He was a great man who loved everything about life and people.  I was lucky to have the opportunity to visit with him...

Walter's Pork Pie

His thoughts... in a span covering perhaps one minute.

'Oh God, I am in deep trouble.

Sirens approaching!  I see only one way out of this.

Assume position, both hands on weapon
Point toward sirens
Wait for cops to come around the corner
And fight to the death
Go down in blaze of glory?
That's the way they do it in the movies right?!

Wait, that won't work
This is it
The end
Automatic to chin, pull trigger - Nothing!

Look it over
Fiddle with mechanisms
How does this thing work?  

Damn! It went off toward the bushes!
Good thing no one got hurt...

They are getting closer.

Within sight any moment.

Spread arms.  Resigned to surrender.

What?  Dumbfounded.

They are firetrucks.
Not police...

Stare agape as three pass by.

Now I have to deal with it.

An unconscious partner,

An RV in a ditch,

And two dead attackers.

At least I think they are dead...

Now I need to gather myself.

Something tells me I am going to be gathering

For a mighty long time.
Maybe five, six seasons.

And I need something to represent

My bad ass persona.

Because I will definitely need it 

From time to time.

Wait!   There's this hat...'

Soldier Boy II - Covering Some of the 'Bases'

Air Force Basic Training, Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonio Texas

August, 1963 in San Antonio was like something I had never experienced
The good news was... the drill instructors kept you so busy
You didn't even have time to think

The bad news was... it was so hot
I couldn't hold down food the first three days
And I was pretty lean when I got there

At seventeen, I didn't shave either
And our drill instructor quickly cured me of that
(with face one inch from my ear while yelling)
"If it is fuzz of any kind at all, YOU WILL SHAVE IT!"

A couple of weeks into basic
Our DI gave us a Coke break
It was, and remains to this day
The best soda I have ever had in my life

Smoke breaks were pretty amazing too
And yeah, just about everyone smoked in those days

Then I had an opportunity to buy a set of
Air Force tan gabardines
(On payments of course...)
Shirt, slacks and tie - Shirt was pressed with a military crease
The tie was tucked neatly between the second and third button from the top
First time I was able to buy my own clothes with my own money
I was dazzled... it really looked sharp
Though I just ended up wearing it a couple of times

I also (small world) ran into an old pal
From our Huron, Ohio HS wrestling team, Kirk Mote
We were both so wrapped up in figuring out
What the hell we were doing
We just swapped pleasantries and moved on

While at Lackland I had the 'opportunity'
To pull KP at the Air Force's largest medical facility
Wilford Hall Medical Center
It was on night shift, peeling potatoes
And running patient food trays to and from the upper floor wards
The kitchen staff gave us cups of ice cream at the end of our shift
It was almost like we were real humans there for a moment

Along the way they gave some of us a language aptitude test
I did okay and they threatened to send me to language school
In Monterey California where they would teach me to be a "spy!"
I was pumped up but had to fill out a security clearance application first

I asked my Dad about the car I swiped at 15 (see "Sinner? - Definitely")
And he reckoned they would never find out about it
So... where it asked if I had ever been arrested I said, "No."

A few weeks later, we got our orders for technical schools
I was being sent to;

Greenville Air Force Base, Mississippi 

For basic Medic classes
I figured they had changed their minds about sending me to language school
But being a Medic sounded interesting

This one is a little different, but you get the idea.

We rode a bus there
Somewhere, maybe in Louisiana
We stopped and got out for a break
There was a gas station that had restrooms marked
"White, and Colored"
I had no idea what that was about but soon found out

Then at Greenville, we were being processed in
At one point someone handed me my military records
Then told me to walk them over
To some other processing point in the building

On the way I peeked
Among other things inside, there was a form...
All filled out and duly signed by an officer
"Waiver of fraudulent enlistment."
They had found out about my arrest
And decided not to kick me out
But scratched me from language school
They never said a word to me about it
I responded in kind

Not kickin' no "sleeping dog..."
Nope, not me;

A few weeks later, among other things
I had learned to use a plastic ID card
To cover a sucking chest wound
A not-so-uncommon battle injury

Then they sent me to advanced technical training at;

Gunter Air Force Base in Montgomery Alabama

I was to be a "Preventive Medicine Specialist"
That sounded pretty interesting to me

They made me a squad leader there
I guess because I was pretty good
At marching troops
"Hup, Twooop, Threeep, Fuorrrp!"
The words meant nothing
The cadence of the words meant everything

I made a couple of pals there
One was Dave Grabowski from Toledo, Ohio
Dave was short but played a real tall (alto?) saxophone
In fact, he preferred to stand on a foot locker to play
So he wouldn't have to worry about bouncing his sax on the floor
When he really got into the song
Man he could play... "Harlem Nocturne" to lift the roof off the building!

Many of our classes were really, really boring
Like, "Control of Communicable Diseases in Man"
And "Food Sanitation"
And "Industrial Hygiene and Toxicology"
Okay, well I guess all of them were boring
Except maybe the lessons on how to do VD interviews

One of our instructors was so damn cool though
He was an old, fairly round NCO
And he had us all figured

After lunch, classes would typically find half of us dozing off
About the time many of us started nodding
He would throw a piece of chalk against the. front blackboard
From the the back of the room, raising his voice at the same time
"And that is how you use a SLING PSYCHROMETER!!!!"
"BLAM!!!" went the chalk
That snapped us out of it for a few minutes
He was the best teacher I had among all
Air Force, college undergrad and grad professors
I think because he seemed to love it
More than any of the rest

Out of Gunter, I received my first assignment to;

1964 - Cannon Air Force Base near Clovis, New Mexico

Everyone who thought they knew anything
Said it was the "asshole of the world."

I had a great time there.
Wearing starched medic whites every day

On the job with my starched whites on.

(So long tan gabardines!)
Looking after public health
Control of food-borne illnesses,
Sanitation inspections, occupational health inspections...
Even VD interviews
I was kind of a one-striper big shot!
Performing inspections and hammering out reports on a manual typewriter

While there, the military kicked off one of it's
Trendy management programs called "Zero Defects"
Zero Defects began with Martin Marietta trying to strengthen it's Titan Missile program
But as it spread to include the Air Force, definitions or clarification fell a little short
By the time it got to this 18 year old
Typing up inspection reports had become a very serious challenge.

His reports required an original and five manifold carbon copies
(Remember, no copy machines in the early sixties right?!)
So I would assemble all that paper
Insert it in the typewriter and carefully hit the keys....
Until I made a mistake

Then I would rip it all out
(Noticeable corrections, erasures and white-outs were not an acceptable part of the zero defects program)
And begin all over again

I could damn near fill an entire waste basket preparing one report
It was definitely costly in time, supplies and labor
But thankfully it was short lived
So fairly neat corrections using an eraser or whiteout became once again acceptable

The base was outside of town
And the surrounding land was pretty flat
We had a huge mosquito season
The base leaders were concerned about the infestation

They decided a medic would map potential breeding areas
Including standing water locations
Around the base
They chose me to do the job
What a kick, circling the base,
Watching from the open door of a helicopter
Charting spots for the insect and rodent control guys to spray

One day, the guys from the neighboring Flight Surgeon's office
Stopped by our offices...
"An F-100 pilot was doing stunts near Nara Visa, New Mexico
He maneuvered his plane upside down, got disoriented
And flew into the ground a day ago
We need someone to drive an ambulance up there
And pick up the remains after the Civil Engineering guys
Get the wreckage out of the ground."

I volunteered...

It was a solemn moment
When much of the plane was pulled from the ground
It left a hole, five or six feet deep where some of the cockpit remained
When it was clear, the guys looked at me
And I climbed in with plastic collection bags
Just about every part of him was unrecognizable
And I started pulling what I could from the instrument panel wreckage

Some of the guys felt sorry for me I guess
Because a couple climbed into the pit and started helping
In all, we got about 40 pounds (weighed later at the Flight Surgeon's Office)
of a pilot who originally weighed around 180
The only things we identified as his were a couple of heat fused coins
And part of a combat boot.

I was also learning to water ski at Ute Dam and doing a lot of it
Thanks to pals Dave Biggs and Jim Nordby

(Both of whom I lost contact with for over thirty years.
Later, I was lucky to have reconnected with them via the Internet
Using the God of All Knowledge; Google.)

I bought my first car there, a '49 Merc (See "Baby Blue and Speed")
Custom painted light blue, with a flathead 8 and starter on the floor
Shaved and decked with a couple of spotlights... it was a fine ride
I also spent a lot of time shooting pool and learning ping pong in the barracks/dorm
I was drinking, going broke and learning how to budget my money - in that order

I was the first to sign up for the base billiards championship there
It was a challenge format
A few months later they called and told me to pick up my trophy
No one had challenged me - it wasn't because they knew anything about my game
It was because no one else was interested

I liked the trophy - it had a genuine eight ball in the base
Carried it around for years

I heard there was fighting in a country called Viet Nam
Didn't know where it was but knew I wanted to go
Service to my country?
Nah, those words weren't even in my vocabulary
All just part of the search for manhood and plain old curiosity I guess

Instead, the Air Force sent me thousands of miles
In a different direction;

1965 - Lajes Air Force Base, Lajes Field, the Azores, Portugal

I loved the Portuguese
Average income on the island was like
Thirty bucks a month
Yet they were all happy
And very honest

Our cleaning guys
(Even lowly Airmen could afford them)
Were so honest they would stack our change for us
If we left some lying around our dorm room

We had a shoe shine boy (man)
Who came around in the hospital where we worked
Shines were cheap - a dime
Yet he was saving to go to the United States

I'll bet he made it
As I had heard that many did

The islanders didn't wear shoes ordinarily
Just on Sundays for church

Portuguese bread, butter and cheese was delicious
We could make a full meal of it easily, anytime
Washed down with homemade red wine
Cheap at a quarter a jug
It usually came in a recycled Jim Beam bottle
Or something similar
When you were flush you bought Rose Mateus
Commercially bottled, from mainland Portugal

I learned to play golf there
I was fascinated by the look, smell and feel of the shoes, clubs,
balls and the bag
I was also dazzled by the fact that I could afford to buy my own

We had one golf course on the island...a beauty it was
I loved walking it early in the morning
When the fairways were bright silver with morning dew

We had Portuguese caddies "A and B"
"A" caddies were a buck for eighteen holes
They were generally teens or pre-teens
And knew more about the game then we did

When I first started I would just walk to my ball
And reach for whatever club my caddy handed me
Not knowing anything at all about what club worked for what distance
Often, we would play 36 holes straight on a Saturday
In the afternoons, we would send a caddie to the clubhouse for beer
And one of the caddies would carry two bags until the other got back

Then my four year enlistment was up and I got out
People who stayed in were called "lifers"
By the airmen my age
And I didn't like the sound of the term
Although I was having a fine time with it all

So, I returned to Seattle in the Spring

I stayed with the folks for a while
While job hunting and settling in
Had a couple of jobs, at Boeing and in a lumber yard,
Paid my folks rent to live at home in the meantime
And still felt tied to or dependent on a place (home)
I didn't want to be

That Fall I went back in the Air Force
That time they wanted me in Intelligence
And That time I didn't lie on my security application
I was accepted for training in two areas
Combat Intelligence (204X0) and Photo Interpretation (206X0)

Training was at;

1967 - Lowry Air Force Base, Denver Colorado

I was so pumped up when I left Seattle for the trip to Denver...
I had bought a new (used) 63 1/2 Ford Galaxy XL
And I loved driving
So I basically drove straight through to Denver
About 1400 miles in 23 hours

Pulled off the road once on that trip 

To get a little shut-eye
But was so fired up I just laid in the back seat and stared
So I kept on going and at times opened the wing vent to let
Air blow directly on my face, turned the radio up full blast
And sang at the top of my lungs - that got me through

Sundays in Denver, we started a tradition of sorts
A bunch of us would head for the lush, green grounds of
The Denver Museum of Nature and Science
There we played sandlot tackle football
Typically in teams of seven

There was a small lake or big pond there
With an island, fenced and protected as a bird sanctuary
We soon learned football and birds were not exactly made for each other
Many times we would be tackled, only to find after getting up
We had landed in green bird shit
We weren't too concerned and kept playing regularly
We did start calling the games the "DuckShit Bowl" though.

One day in class someone announced
The Air Force was in need of volunteers to be
"Air Intelligence Airman Parachutists"
We would need to pass a physical exam
As well as an endurance test

It sounded exciting 
So yeah, I volunteered

The endurance test wasn't much at all
Pushups, climbing ropes to the gym's ceiling
That sort of thing
The physical exam not so much either
But when the results came in I was rejected
Because I had 20/200 vision in both eyes
And was not cleared for jump school

I was surprised because I had been catching footballs with ease
And no glasses at the "DuckShit Bowl"
I also shot some mighty fine pool without my glasses on

Yup, no glasses.
(Lajes Field, Azores, 1966)

Just had to play the blurry edges so it was all the same

Later, I found out a lot of the parachutists
Were trained to jump in and teach counterinsurgency
For operations in South America
And there was a high fatality rate
I thought I might have literally dodged a bullet with that one.

After training, my first job was in Combat Intelligence at;

1968 - Ellsworth Air Force Base near Rapid City South Dakota

We gave gave current intelligence and enemy fighter aircraft recognition briefings to air crews there
And built Top Secret SIOP-ESI* bomb run flight charts for B-52s
(*Single Integrated Operations Plan - Extremely Sensitive Information...yea its on Google)
It was just your everyday plan for all out nuclear war - no problem.

We had a Major there
Who delighted in 'embellishing' the current intelligence news
We received from various agencies
And relaying the glorified versions to combat crews
At weekly intelligence briefings
"The Russians have a satellite with photo resolution so good
They can can read the name tag on your uniform when you step outside!"
This was in 1968 mind you....
But I'll bet it is very true today

One night, at the Hilltop Bar near Rapid City
I met Julieann Marie Thomas, just turned 19,
Celebrating her birthday with friends and looking gorgeous
She was a fast friend and would later agree to be my wife,
As she is today more than 50 years later