Once. Twice. Three Times a Dummy.

My rental for two weeks on the job

In Raleigh, North Carolina
A Mazda MX5 mini crossover SUV

Headlights are not automatic on-off

Can't tell if there is a warning signal

My ears decided to ignore high pitched signals a long time ago

Can you see trouble coming?

Once...second or third day in Raleigh
Out of work late... To dinner then hotel
Tired. Turned in early

Next morning Dead...

Not even enough juice to respond to signal from key
Call Hertz tow to come and jump start

No one accuses me of being stupid
I confess anyway
Run the car a few miles to get a little charge on the battery

Then show up at work... Humbled

Twice... Three or four days later I drop my guard again

The little Mazda punishes me for my oversight

Dead as a doornail.

Figure hertz will be on to me this time

And want to charge a fortune for the jump-start

Check with concierge

One of the employees has jumpers

She starts up smoothly

Seems a little smug in teaching me another lesson

Three times... Dinner with friend the night before returning home for the weekend

Long day and I am in a slight fog... mental that is.

Up at 3:30AM the next morning

All packed and ready

Thinking I have spent many years at this

And am getting pretty good at long haul travel

To the car at 4:30

She is dead...yet again

My travel skills are dealt a punishing blow

Plane boards in hour and a half

'Quick! What in the hell am I going to do?!'

Get rental agreement our of the car... Lock the little #$^&$&^ up.

Tell her to have a nice weekend.

Return to hotel

Ask clerk to call me a "cab"

She doesn't nail me with the old joke... sensing I am in somewhat unstable condition

I call Hertz and extend rental to cover return trip

Meaning I get to spend another couple of weeks with the $&%**&^% Mazda

Only good news is the rental is cheaper overall as I now have a longer term contract

I am about 50 minutes from boarding time

Figure if the cab takes 20 minutes to arrive

I will still be okay

20 minutes from boarding I am still standing in the lobby

I am busy inventing new ways to swear

I am calling to change flights when cabbie shows

"They close the gates 10 minutes prior to departure."

"Can you get me there?"

Cabbie says yes and we're off!

He goes fast but not fast enough.

I arrive at gate three minutes from departure

Plane is there but no one is at the gate, or nearby to help me.

Done for.

But wait! There is another flight!

I hit it on standby and make it

I manage to hook up with with my original connection in Chicago

Home at last! Home at last! Great God almighty I am home at last!

But that little dead Mazda is still in the parking lot

Waiting on my Monday return

Smiling through that little chrome mouth of hers

She definitely has the weekend... OFF.

Such is the life of an itinerant worker...