Cleats!

High school in the early sixties

Here's a brand new pair.
Just grab a hammer and some short nails,
tack'em on and you are in business!

A small Ohio town
More to the point; Huron
Even more to the point; Huron High School

Pointed toe shoes
Italian style were popular

Along with pegged pants
And white t-shirts with rolled sleeves
Better to have a cigarette pack rolled in the sleeve

Metal heel cleats were popular too...
The clink, clink, clink on a hard surface
Was pretty cool to hear

We discovered you could take off
Down the buffed linoleum tile hallway
Roll back on your heels
And slide ten or twenty feet down the middle

A great pastime for a bored high schooler.

Alone. But not.

One day post-Christmas
Sitting at kitchen counter
Coffee, homemade caramel roll and morning paper
Alone. Quiet. But not.

In other bedrooms wife, son and daughter sleeping
First time we have all been together
Just the four of us...for a while

We are all safe and I am grateful for the fleeting moment
It could very well be one of the last times
As our separate lives, the natural flow of things, proceed

Early tomorrow morning planes fly
Our family returns to media connections
Wife and I will look at each other
Recall our youth and their youth

All of us...growing together
Then once again
Alone. Quiet. But not.

Dubya, B.O. and Little Dickie

Dubya, "What's the word I'm looking for?"
Little Dickie, "Evildoers."
Dubya, "That's it!  Let's corral them and put them somewhere right?!"
Little Dickie,  "Yup.  You're on the right track.  Let's corral them in Cuba and torture them until they tell us what we want to know."
Dubya,  "Done."

(Years later)

Little Dickie,  "Well Dubya, it didn't work.  They didn't tell us a damn thing. Now the problem is we can't just release them because they will go squealing home to Momma, complaining about the torture and probably come up with some more evildoing. Not too mention a bunch of self-righteous Americans are going to find out and claim torture is 'not who we are'."
Dubya,  "Sounds about right.  So what can we do?'
Little Dickie,  "Keep them in the corral and let them become the next President's problem."
Dubya, "Well okay boss...but I have this note here from someone in my Cabinet, forgot his name, that says we are spending over $400 million a year to keep that place open.  Does that matter?"
Little Dickie,  "Not all.  Hell, I make that much from my Halliburton defense contracts.  Besides you and I are not paying for it.  With the tax loopholes we have it costs us nothing.  The average schmuck in the street is picking up this tab."
Dubya, "But Dickie, somethings wrong with this."
Little Dickie, "Now Dubya, don't sass me.  Remember how fancy I can get with a shotgun.  Besides, your father told you to mind me so step up."

(Pre-2008 election)

B.O., "I will close Guantanamo."

(2014)

B.O., "I am still closing Guantanamo."

Little Dickie, "I would do it again."

B.O., Little Dickie and Dubya, "Let's just not call it 'torture' okay?!"

PROSECUTE

Chasing the "Cheese*

Once you have played live Texas Hold'em poker tournaments a while you come to the realization that, as in life, anything can happen. Consider three of the tournaments I have failed miserably in over the past couple or weeks:

One of those fine days when I won all the "cheese."
Here , the tournament director is forking it over,
thank you Mark Pritchett

The first occurred when I caught Jack, nine off suit pockets (first two down cards in my hand) five, yes five times in the first hour. The first two times I called small blinds just to ride along and see if I might catch anything on the flop (first three common cards dealer turns face up on the board). The flop gave me open ended straight draws both times (not a bad thing) so I hung on as long as the bets weren't too big. Sure enough the bets on the table got too big for me to test the odds (about 16% each to hit on the last two cards, "turn and river") so I folded. The third time I caught them I hung around and hit two pair on the flop. I eventually had to fold as the board showed too may hands that could beat me then two large wagers convinced me someone had hit (sure enough straights appeared on the showdown). I caught the same pocket two more times and dumped them in disgust pre-flop (something I should have done the first three times).

The lesson here; quit chasing mediocre hands even when the blinds are really small.

A tournament or two later I caught pocket Aces three times in the first hour. This is a hand that wins approximately 72% of the time but not that day. The first time I was beat by a bigger hand (two pair or something bigger I forget).  The second time I won a small amount as no other players had good enough draws to stay in the hand with me. The third time I chopped with another player who also had pocket Aces. The likelihood of drawing pocket Aces is less than 1 in 200 but that day I caught them three times right?!  To win just one of the hands was also defying the odds...in a bad way. That left me shaking my head well through the first tournament break and into the third hour when, you guessed it, pocket Aces knocked me and my lesser hand out of the tournament.

The lesson here; Lady Luck doesn't always smile on you, you pitiful poker player Campbell.

A tournament or two later I caught some more mighty fine appearing hands, again in the first hour of the tournament. Three times I caught strong Ace pockets. Ace, Jack of hearts, Ace, King of diamonds and Ace, King of hearts. Each time I made it to the flop and each time caught flush draws. A nut flush draw off the flop has a one in five chance of hitting each time on the next two cards. I managed to miss all three and by that time I was once again knocked out of a tournament....go figure.

The lesson here; Lady Luck has a way of rubbing it in doesn't she?!

I don't know. I would guess the chances of any one of these three situations occurring in many years of poker are pretty slim but then again, "anything can happen" right?!

Yes Sir it all happened right here at Sacramento's famous Capital Casino.  If you should visit, you may occasionally spot a famous player such as...well, you know...

*You may have already guessed that "Cheese" is cash in poker vernacular...cold, hard cash.

Spuds - It's the Little Things

One Thanksgiving morning I was assigned "KP" duties by the "boss of me." Among other tasks, one was to peel a dozen potatoes.  Given several options for getting the job done, I selected a plain old paring knife and had at it.

I was soon preoccupied with trying to carve the longest peel possible and my feeble mind began wandering to KP days past...mainly the first.

In the fall of '63, I was seventeen years old and in Air Force basic training at Lackland Air Force Base, Texas.  As part of our "training" we would also get picked for various odd jobs on the base.  One night I caught  KP duty at the Air Force's largest hospital, Wilford Hall Medical Center.  My main job was, you guessed it...peeling potatoes and I learned how that night.  It was a pretty good job, just sitting there letting my mind wander as it did again this morning. I also caught delivery duties to the inpatient wards.  We would load up giant carts with hot meals and get to ride elevators to the heights of the grand old center.

We were at it pretty late on those jobs...well past midnight. At the end of our shift, the full-time kitchen staff had pity on us raw recruits and let us each have an ice cream cup.  We worked so hard for that ice cream it still stands out in my mind as the best I have ever had.

Twenty years later, I was an Air Force Medical Service Corps officer stationed in the same area, San Antonio, Texas. I was working for Paul Murrell.  He and I were assisting some 1,200 MSCs with their development and follow-on assignments. One day, at a casual meeting there, a senior Colonel named Keith Curtis looked at me and asked a question in a collegial way;  "Tom, what do you want to do, be Administrator of Wilford Hall (his job) one day?" Considering my previous assignment was as administrator of Malmstom Hospital, I got pretty fired up and my answer was an immediate; "Yes!"  But then after 24 short years; 6 as a medic, 5 as an intelligence specialist and 13 amazing years as a member of the Medical Service Corps, I was sidetracked with curiosity about health care administration in the civil sector and end up serving another career there. Still, to this very day I would like to be Administrator of Wilford Hall (thank you Keith) and still, I would like to peel another potato there.

Twenty-seven years after that meeting (this morning) I pulled the KP assignment once again. I am grateful now, as I was then for those seemingly menial tasks and for all that has transpired in between.

(November '17 update:  The demolition of "Big Willy" is now up for bid.)

(September '23 update:  The demolition of Wilford Hall is near complete.)

For some, life goes on.  For others...it ends.  But the journey...oh, the journey!

Flaming A__holes

The past couple of days I have been distracted with curiosity about the origin of the idiom; "Flaming Asshole."

So naturally I decided to check with the god of all knowledge, Google to see what I might find.  Here are the results...with some of my own speculation thrown in for good measure:

flaming asshole: Origin unknown.  (Google is silent on this.)

1. "An extreme asshole." While it is listed in the urban dictionary, even there the information is sparse. Of course, this is the most common interpretation. In fact I have seen so many reminders of this lately, mostly in the political news*, that is why I have decided to give the expression its due.
2. Associated with lighting farts.  This is the true origin I suspect.  I first witnessed this in a military dorm during my late teens.  I didn't think it was possible until I saw it.  It works just like a blow torch, except when the perpetrator tries too hard and accidentally drops a log on the floor.  I have witnessed this too.  The second time I heard discussion of the practice was from a nurse describing her times with her brothers when they were teenagers growing up in rural Northern California (yes, supposedly she was a participant).
3. A cocktail and there are several variations.  Here's one...1/2 oz of each of these ingredients:
• Grenadine syrup
• Green creme de menthe
• Creme de bananas
• Overproof rum
• Layer in the same exact order, syrup first.  Ignite rum before serving and serve with a straw.

*There are also a large number of flaming assholes in the entertainment world, in professional sports and in the top tiers of the business community.  This occurs at a much higher rate than in the ranks of the common man.  In fact the exact, scientifically proven figures are shown here (expressed in a ratio as direct, whole numbers...for example 5:10 means five of every ten or 50% are flaming assholes):

• Entertainment        4.20:10  (mainly overblown egos...if drug abuse is considered, multiply the factor by 1.5)
• Sports                     2.30:10 (the number doubles when you add in domestic abuse cases)
• Business                 5.00:10 (this figure does not allow for leaders who have no vision or regard for the future...for those who do not understand that the middle class is what drives their wealth - multiply by 1.75)
• Politics                   9.95:10 (with a small allowance for those who simply cannot distinguish their assholes from a hole in the ground)
• Common Man        0.01:10 (scatological exclamations in heavy traffic have not been counted)

So there you have it; everything you ever wanted to know about flaming assholes. Feel free to use this handy guide for...whatever.

And here is a cautionary quote from the famous graffiti artist and philosopher(?) Banksy; "The more grumpy you are, the more assholes you meet."

Tall Paul

Rumor has it that Annette Funicello
Was singing about Warren (Paul) Murrell
When she recorded this song back in 1959

(okay, okay maybe not)
He would have been hanging around in
In his hometown...Lafayette Louisiana about then
Maybe 16 years old
Probably already "Tall"

He may have already met his wife, Nell 

Of more than 50 years by then to

Some years later he was an Air Force Lieutenant Colonel

Running the assignments and career development section
For the Air Force Medical Service Corps
At Randolph Air Force Base Texas
The job was a 'tall order
And he was successful in getting help
By adding a new position...
A deputy of sorts

I was a brand new major
About to come off a humanitarian assignment
And Paul interviewed me at an MSC symposium
He was suffering from some sort of judgement deprivation that day
So he chose me
We would go on to spend something over three years together
Supporting around 1,200 Air Force health care administrators
As they moved on average every three years
(Some much more often)
From base to base around the world

Of the 1,200, a thousand or more were on their way up
In rank, responsibility or both and we tried to help
Around 100 were on their way down and we tried to help soften the blow
In my 50 plus years of work, from apple picker to hospital administrator 

To health plan COO to consultant
I have never had a finer job nor a finer boss

The women and men of the Medical Service Corps
In the mid-eighties were by and large ethical, hard working
Collegial and devoted to quality health care delivery
For all Air Force families
Tall Paul Murrell was their perfect shepherd

His favorite saying was (and probably still is)
"On the other side of it..." as a preface to looking
At an issue from another perspective
And then, when he didn't want to give in on an issue
His other favorite expression would surface; "I continue to believe..."
All in that Southern gentleman voice, wrapped in persuasion
I never got tired of witnessing that
As every day he and I tried to successfully work our way through
The politics of job assignments

There were a lot of times when there was no clear answer 

Or the powers that be dictated an action
And we ended up making a move that did not appear correct
When that happened, he would shake his head, flash that huge grin
And we would move on

His primary weapon was the truth
His primary goal was doing the best job for everyone
If you were face-to-face he would add that huge grin
And a twinkle in his eye
That signaled...between the two of you,
You could work things out

Paul and I have worked a lot together in our second lives:

• The start up of CRI - the original Tricare contract
• Firms like Aetna and Prudential in pursuit of subsequent Tricare contracts
• Small non-profit health care quality assurance firms on Medicare and Medicaid initiatives

Beyond the Medical Service Corps
Through it all, the magic and the truth 

(however hard that can be sometimes)
Has always served us

I am thinking, whenever he hits those heavenly gates,
Saint Peter will call him aside and say;
"Hey Paul, I need someone to help me make sure all these people
Get where they need to be. You seem to be the perfect man for the job."

That move would have my vote.

Remember the "I" in TRICARE

Consider this "TRICARE Health Matters" newsletter I received in the mail today. At least I think it was intended for me as it is addressed to; "TRICARE BENEFICIARY AT..."

Sure I looked at it. After all I am interested even if it was intended for someone else at this address...like maybe another "BENEFICIARY" here...my wife.

But then I thought, 'I have to be a little more critical as the spin seems a little off.'

First the easy stuff; Why do I have to be referred to as "TRICARE BENEFICIARY?" After all, if they can include my address, can't they include my name? How about Mr. and Mrs. Tom Campbell or something similar? And why do I have to be called "beneficiary?" Does that word make it seem like I am on the dole somehow? But that's okay, I don't want to nit pick here...or do I?

The next thing that caught my attention was the heading; "An Excellent Value." Now I do not recall exactly when the implied promise of a lifetime of health care was taken off the book of expectations for military retirees but it is clear...that promise is gone. In the meantime, I will likely never consider TRICARE an "excellent value" because... Airman Basic Tom Campbell figured if he stuck around for 20 or more years, health care would be one thing he wouldn't have to worry about. This wasn't just implied, it was stated many times by superiors and in print.

Next; "Generous Coverage"  Now I am starting to get a little rankled. "Generous?" Someone is being generous with me after I served for 24 years? I don't think so. To me, "generous" describes the $188,000 a year a retired fire chief here in Sacramento gets (just read this in the Bee today).

"Superior health care?" Well, everyone claims to deliver that, but I won't debate it.  I hold TRICARE (then CRI) enrollment card #2. Doctor Jim Shubert, RIP, holds #1).  I served with Jim at Foundation Health when TRICARE first rolled out and I think our combined military/civilian health system was and is terrific. I have been enrolled for more than 25 years now and have always believed I and my family had access to the best of whatever care we needed.

"Decisions are health driven, not insurance driven" Agree, and that is the way it should be for our entire nation. In the end, we all end up paying for those who neglect health care for lack of insurance and end up clogging the emergency rooms and chronic care functions of our system. In fact, if we got at them with decent health care early, it wouldn't cost as much. Oh yea, and we are all paying around 20 cents of each health care dollar to insurance executives so they will "contain costs."

"High satisfaction with care." Hear, hear!  There is nothing puffed up about that at all. We have known this ever since the first independent assessment was conducted by the Rand Corporation in 1990.

"Low out-of-pocket costs." True but...I am supposed to be thankful for that?! Nope.  Never happen. (See previous argument about "An Excellent Value")

"Easy access" Hear, hear again! Two thumbs up to companies such as Foundation Health now HealthNet, Humana, TriWest and recently, United Health for doing a fine job here but let's not forget; they are all getting paid and paid well.  Example; one CEO who came on right after CRI start up, claimed credit for "turning the company around," then left with over $30 million in his pocket after maybe 4 years.  So tell me, how much health care would $30 million buy?

So why is it necessary to put all that hyperbole on the front page of the TRICARE newsletter? Why 'sell' something when the newsletter is aimed at existing enrollees? Maybe there is a group of communications specialists at all these companies who are paid to make sure all documents include this stuff. In fact, maybe it is the same folks who were doing it over 25 years ago. Enrollees are mighty happy with the program and will continue to sign up in droves for lack of even a close second in terms of options. Just give us the facts and please, don't insult us by spinning a story about how lucky we are. We in the military kept comm specialists, their bosses and elected officials free so they could keep legislating, writing and getting paid the big bucks...you know, them and the fire chiefs and CEOs. We earned our humble place in the scheme of things.

An Air Force Story

I'm an old Air Force vet
Twenty-four damn fine years
Half as Airman medic and intelligence analyst
Half as Medical Service Corps officer

McLellan Park VA Clinic
(Not too busy but hey, its Saturday Morning)

All full of great adventures

I had great bosses along the way
And while a medic, the best mission in the world...
Helping keep our airmen healthy
While they served our country

So this morning I went to McClellan Park,
Sacramento California
To have my worn out ears examined
(No Don P., not my "head" as I am sure you would have hoped)

Main Hall from second floor

At the VA Clinic...formerly McClellan USAF Clinic

I hardly ever  (as in once every couple of years or less) go there
So it was a reunion of sorts with the surroundings

First impression...Air Force bases don't die and go to seed when closed
As I once thought
They are revitalized into well-planned business communities
Because the foundation or "infrastructure" that was there is so strong
(The same is true for what was once Mather Air Force Base)

The VA Clinic is impeccably maintained
A tribute to those who took over from us airmen
Back in Two Double Aught One

It was Saturday but I was on time for my appointment
And quickly greeted by a smiling audiologist
Everything went fine
Until I explained to the audiologist how I went through great pains
To put a loud aftermarket exhaust system on my Harley
Then purchased some mighty fine "Hearo" earplugs to protect my pitiful hearing

Fortunately the Psych folks don't work on Saturdays so she couldn't give me an immediate referral

Overall I was impressed by the surroundings and treatment for our area Veterans
My new, replacement AIDS (hearing that is) will be here in "4-6" weeks

I was at this clinic shortly after it first opened as a new Air Force facility

MSC Colonel Hugh Smith, his wonderful wife,
retired California School Teacher and published author Judy,
His son Shea and daughter Brandy
(The first enrolled CRI/TRICARE family)

In the Fall of 1988 when a DOD test program launched,
The "CHAMPUS Reform Initiative" now known as TRICARE

That day Air Force MSC Colonel Hugh Smith was Commander of that Clinic
McClellan was Hugh's second DBMS assignment
He was one of the first MSC's to successfully tackle a medical facility commander job

I was COO of Foundation Health Federal Services
Having retired from the Air Force a year or so earlier
I was there to congratulate the Colonel and his family as the very first ever to enroll in the program
It was a fine day, it is a great program and almost 26 years later we all have many reasons to celebrate it

The Colonel and yours truly

After my VA visit, I moseyed over to the BX to hang out a bit as I had't been in one in years
I couldn't help but notice all the crusty old varmints wandering around there
Some in suspenders, wheelchairs, walkers and so on
They made me feel younger than my years but then I know my day is coming
(Pretty sure Don P already has suspenders) 

Inside I noticed some products with the 'new' 10-year old Air Force logo on it
I reckon it is a sure sign of aging that I don't care for it
I am all for new but would have preferred something with a little more classic look
Instead of the stealth fighter similarities
Or are those wings folded more like a paper airplane?
But if you check it out on Wikipedia you will find out it was
A popular choice so there you have it


Lunch beckoned so I grabbed a fast food sandwich and sat outside
On a beautiful day taking in my surroundings
The commissary next door, barracks nearby, theater
And Clinic of course
All seemed comfortable...
Like home to me

26 years after leaving I can say
It was good
I am glad I spent all that time
With the Air Force
And with you who served with me

3/17/2018 update:  Here it is four years later and time seems to heal...or warp depending.  I now have grown accustomed to the new Air Force logo and in fact kind of like it...Whodathunk?!

Nuances - Get Your Flop, Turn and River On!

People ask me about my fascination with poker all the time
Not really...in fact they never ask
My response
Okay, if I were to have one
It would go something like this...

Its a combination of nuances that I love
Besides the mandatory Big Three that is
The Big Three being skill, patience and luck...
Luck outnumbering the others at least two to one

Its the comfort and surroundings of the Casino involved
Fine acoustics, quality furnishings, good food and fresh air
being chief among them
Mine is Sacramento's Capital Casino
It has all this and more

Its also the dealers, tournament directors and other staff
who are typically very skilled, friendly and cheerful
The owner, and customers must be doing right by them I would say...

Regular hold'em tournament players are a big part of the experience too
They number around eighty
Supplemented by a half dozen or so new or occasional players
Its a fine group made up of business professionals, night workers
(Tournaments are typically held mid-day), retirees and others
In all, the players are a solid bunch; good sports, friendly, and tough competitors

Additional subtleties are in things like the feel of the table felt
The comfort of the chairs
The quality (heft) and cleanliness of the chips
Especially to a chip shuffler like me
The position of the television screens
some informing you of tournament details
some showing athletic and other events
Let's not forget the cleanliness of the bathrooms

All this works in concert to make me cozy
Ready to do battle on the felt
Trying to make the most out of the cards
The Game of course being everyone's purpose

Even on days when luck is not a lady
I enjoy it - I call those days "Poker lessons"
So let's get them there "cards in the air" folks!
Can't wait 'til the next one begins...

The Road to Palookaville

Here somewhere on this historical and magnificent memoir...or not
Road Warrior theme spun within

As a kid

As in the Air Force

As a consultant for hire

Travel diminished somewhat
Over the past couple of years
What with more demand for remote work
And less demand for being there

I am not all unhappy with that...

But then traveler status has tanked too...

Hertz from President's Circle to Gold
Okay not bad, I can handle that

United from Premier Executive to Premier
And likely soon to 'Slug bait'

Marriott from Platinum Lifetime to...
Platinum Lifetime
What?!
For life?!
Nope, they weren't kidding
It's complimentary upgrades
Priority reservations
And concierge access
At Marriott's, for life
All because some time back
I racked up over a thousand lifetime nights

I stuck it out with Marriott
For more than twenty years
A loyal road warrior
And they said "thanks"
Anytime you stay with us again
No matter how often you travel
We are going to treat you
Like the loyal customer you are

United Airlines?
I have about 900,000 lifetime miles
Been in their Premier club
For, I don't know...
How long has that club

United Airlines new, improved boarding process!

Been in existence?
Since 1979? (so sayeth Wikipedia)
Probably since then

But now what to I get when I fly with them?
Seats that crush my kneecaps
I do not, repeat, do not have long legs either
Chest trauma from fold down tray seats
Middle seats with 300 pounders either side
Flowing over the armrests
Gently squeezing the life out of you
Also, "Don't check a bag or you'll pay...a__hole!"

Yeah, I was a contender at one time
Travel perks from one end to the other
Now just a dude from Palookaville...
Cannon fodder for a United sardine can...