Molly

She's just a dog. Yet she fills my heart to the brim. Her tenderness with everyone fills the room. Her look is one of complete adoration. Her touch is one of maternal devotion. Her outlook on life is always fresh, always eager, always to capture the moment. Molly. I will love her for eternity. Her and Sparkle II. Her and Gypsy. Her and Mopsy. Her and Bingo. Her and Sparkle I. She fills my heart to the brim. She's just a dog.

Klutz - In Action

It was damn cold in Des Moines. The teens. I was busy finding out that a bum hip in the cold turns into a “bummer” hip, hence the expression (at least for me that is). So now, when you hear someone say, “that’s a bummer” you know they are talking about Tom’s hip… of course.

I returned to the Courtyard, walked into the lobby and headed straight for a parson’s table that had some magazines on it. They are usually free for the taking and I was trying to store up reading material for the plane flight home. Well, I didn’t exactly head straight for it. I had to dodge two small yellow pylons that warned of a “wet floor”. I checked out a Newsweek at the table for a few seconds, decided it fit my criteria (very low) for in-flight reading material and turned away from the table... magazine in hand.

I had forgotten about the little yellow pylon right behind me so the two of us immediately got into a wrestling match to maintain balance. Fortunately it was a tie and we both remained upright but not without making a lot of noise and attracting looks from a few folks in the lobby area. I made some dumb little comment and took two more steps whereupon I caught my foot on a runner they had placed in the lobby to collect some of the snow and other crud people were tracking in from outside.

I survived that encounter too but just barely. The runner and I did a little tap dance with some flapping and shuffling thrown in for good measure. That had the lobby gallery looking on again but strangely silent. I am guessing that is because they couldn’t believe what they were witnessing.

Through it all I managed to make a couple of moves that would have made a junior high school halfback proud…I think. I am also thinking Chevy Chase would be proud of me even though I failed to execute a complete somersault in either pratfall attempt. In any event there is a message here. Beware of unfamiliar objects placed strategically in normally empty hotel lobbies. If it seems they are out to get you, they probably are.

Butt Warm

About a recent trip from Sacramento to do some work for some good folks in Helena, Montana... United doesn’t fly into Helena and I am a slave to frequent flyer miles so I flew in to Bozeman, the Northern Gateway to Yellowstone National Park. Bozeman is 90 miles South of Helena…part freeway and part highway. The first stretch is about 30 miles along Interstate 90. It is in a valley and the mountains of Yellowstone are not too far off on the right.

At the turn off from Interstate 90 to head north is a community known as Wheat, Montana. There are signs advertising a bakery/deli there that get you to thinking a quick stop would be good. It’s interesting. The place has an official Guinness World Record announcement hanging on the wall…the record is for the fastest from field to table, that is, unharvested wheat to bread…8 minutes and 24 seconds! For some reason they used microwaves in the process and I guess that speeded things up. There is other stuff on the wall indicating the "Today" show has been there checking things out also.

I had a terrific cup of soup with a fresh French roll followed by a very nice cinnamon raisin roll and a fine cup of decaf (too late in the day for regular). It seems there are more people in the deli than there are in the whole town…lots of locals with the farmers apparently coming in for treats.

Pulled out of there pretty satisfied and headed up the two-lane highway about 60 miles to Helena. There was some tall (about a foot) wheat stubble in the fields around, lots of fresh snow and purple mountains off in the distance. So, you guessed it, I started doing my best imitation of Ray Charles singing “America the Beautiful”. You know, “amber waves of grain, purple mountains majesty” and all that stuff. Killed (and I don't mean in a good way) the song pretty good on the road that day…

It’s great being out on a good, fairly quiet road with all that beauty unfolding in front of you – lets you unload the vocals and brain cells a little. Only thing better would have been to be there on the Harley-Davidson Road King instead of in a rental car, with Julieann tucked in behind me, keeping my butt and heart warm…

Poor Man

Martha and Ray Campbell,
somewhere in North Dakota,
married for over 50 years.

Poor man, poor man
Rich man, chooser man

Born in a Pontiac
Pontiac Michigan that is

Daddy was a wandering man
“We won’t have much
But we’ll have a lot of laughs.”
He told my Mother
Before they got married
And that’s the way it was

We were poor people in a poor town

Moved to North Dakota
Tiny town, Willow City
Population 200-300
Brother was born
Dad was Mayor
He managed a lumber yard

Still poor people in a poor town

Couldn’t make it in Willow City
Packed all worldly possessions

Tom C and the Pontiac that would carry us
and all our possessions to Michigan in the mid 50's.
Had to sell the bicycle because the car was too loaded.
Willow City Elementary is in the background. 

The four of us
In and on a late '40s Pontiac

Then moved back to Pontiac
Michigan that is
Dad worked at Pontiac Motors
Mom was an artist and homemaker
We were hayseeds from North Dakota

Still poor. Still in a poor town.

Moved to Ohio
On the shores of Lake Erie
Dad was a janitor
Everyone had more than us
Or so it seemed

Poor people in a not so poor town

Moved to Seattle
Slept on a cot in Uncle’s basement
Dad was a janitor again
I attended high school  

With a huge student body
Disappeared among them

Poor people in a rich town

Finished High School
Joined Air Force
A little money from Air Force pay
Seemed like big bucks
Grew some independence
Good company with good people
Naïve but learning every day

Poor man with a future

Met Julieann
Saw my destiny in her eyes
She believed in me
And that I could do anything

Poor man rich with wife’s faith

Got degree
Became commissioned officer

Not so poor…anymore

Finished Air Force career
Great success
Backed by the best in Julieann

My heart was then rich

Two children, Tyler and Samantha
Within their growth and achievements
We find the meaning of life
They believe they can
They believe in Mom and Dad’s love

We are rich

We seize the day
Each of us
In our own way
Julieann, Tyler, Samantha and I
That is our choice

We are rich, and we have choices

Poor man, poor man
Rich man, chooser man

Made in America
It couldn’t happen anywhere else
Could it?

Ham-mered

Ham mered (ham’erd) 1. To hit, esp. repeatedly 2. Informal to keep at something continuously: hammered home the point. 3. Me: after having a margarita and 2-3 glasses of wine – yeah I know I’m easy. 4. Me: while watching retirement investments vanish into either the Bull or Bear’s anus… repeat hammered #3.

WSJoDFWA

Yes; I was reading the Wall Street Journal of Damn Fine Watch Ads again.

Can't say why exactly ... other than it is interesting reading all the explanations of why our retirement nest egg is going to Hell in a handbasket.

Anyway, this evening I ripped open the first section at dinner. I was admiring the damn fine watch ads when I turned a page to see a full spread of a jet in close proximity to a bunch of tall buildings.

Well, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to conjure up some feelings about that scene right?

Then, I noticed it was a two-page spread (must have cost a $million plus) and the opposing (right) side had Chevron hawking an energy game developed by "The Economist Group."

Now, I ask you. Was the ad person who thought that one up born after 911?
I think not.

And are the WSJoDFWA folks so desperate for revenue they won't tell one of their advertising clients they are not likely conveying the message they want?
I think so.

Delegate like a Mofo

There is an old management adage,
"If you want to get something done,
give it to the busiest person you can find".
That is why I never do anything.
I can always find someone who is busier than I.
In fact, I am not composing this myself.
I have found someone else to do it.
I am off taking a nap.

'Til The Cows Come Home

This morning I was walking out of the
West Des Moines Cracker Barrell restaurant

After a breakfast of
"Grandmas Blueberry Pancakes"

I was on the front porch when I noticed
A little fiddle music playing softly

Then, I saw the rocking chairs they always have
For sale on the porch

I thought, "this is my kind of scene...
A rocker, some fiddle music and a pleasant morning"

Made me think I wouldn't fit so bad
In that picture

After all, I cut my chops on 7 years as a hayseed in North Dakota
When I was a young'un

Medics

I love working with medics you know?
We may have our differences from time to time
But when the shit hits the proverbial fan
We all get on the same page fast
That's why I am happy to be doing
Whatever it is that I am doing right now
In fact this is the tenth anniversary of my company

Campbell Health Management, Inc: www.chm.tc

Doing whatever it is that it does
WhooHoo!

Annoying Things (and People)

There are certain things bright on my radar screen that are really annoying. Here are a few in ascending order:

- Restaurant booths -

Most are built to fit one person. I don't think I have ever met that person. All end up with the table too far or too close to me.

Too far and you have to “feel real loose like a long neck goose” (Thank you Big Bopper) to reach your meal.

Too close and your stomach gets claustrophobia. You can pretend you are an astronaut though… confined to a tiny space.

Most of the seats are also too low.
Makes you feel like your elbows are about the same level as your ears. Yeah, I know… “maybe yours are” you say.

-Restroom blow dryers -

Am I the only one who likes to splash water on my face to freshen up a little?
Try it sometime it works great.

Only problem is you often turn to grab a paper towel and find there is nothing but a blow dryer.

Trust me. One of these doesn't work good on your face.

Doesn't work good on your hands either.
Makes them feel like you didn't wash them. Strange…

- “To be honest.” -
When I hear someone say that
I wonder… does this mean there are times when they tell me something that they are not being honest?

Should I not believe anything they say unless they preface it with “To be Honest”?

You know its really too much work for me to figure this. Just leave the phrase out… then I can believe everything you say.

- Jargon -

“Utilizing a robust interface that is at once seamless and transparent, our product facilitates your needs at any point in time”.

Can you hear my teeth grinding in the background? C'mon! Let's just say, “Use it and you will see that it always works”.

I think people who write and speak in jargon skipped 1st through 16th grade… that's why they are so impressed with hyperbole. They figure if no one understands it, it must be intelligent.

- Car doors -

So who is responsible for making car door handles I can't reach when the doors are fully open?

If I can find those people, I would like to show them how a rack works… the ancient kind… you know what I mean.

- Fifty mile an hour talkers -

There was once a time when you were on a freeway and came up on someone holding up traffic in the fast lane it was typically an old person… a person who was somewhat confused about what was going on.

Now, half the time it is someone on a cell phone who has completely lost track of what is going on around them.

It happens everywhere, not just on freeways. It's like they are saying, “I have decided to talk to someone and you will have to follow behind me… slowly while I conduct my conversation. It doesn't matter that I am taking up your time as well. As a matter of fact, I won't even notice when you finally get past me and give me the classic one finger salute”.

Now, let me “be honest” with you…
I do it too but will have to quit when the new California law kicks in on June 1st.
Except I don't slow down when I do it.
I am probably even more dangerous.

- My wife Julieann Marie -

You see, she has been spoiling me for 40 years now. It's working.
I wish she would quit. It's really annoying.
No I don't… and no it's not.

- Me -

Yup, here it is coming in at #1.
I annoy myself more than anything.
I mean, I can say something stupid that will leave everyone around me shaking their heads... “WHAT did he say”?
You know me. So you know that.

The Nunnery

So I was in the Denver airport
At my gate area
Waiting for a flight.
I noticed a young woman.
Dressed in a brown habit.

It was a fairly modern habit I guess.
Included a printed blouse.
But also had the traditional veil.

It just popped into my head
“Get thee to a nunnery!”.
Of course I didn’t say it.
But I thought it.

My next thought was
Where did that come from?
The thought that is.

So when I arrived at my
Road Warrior room for the evening
I Googled it.
It said, “Get thee to a nunnery”.
Was from a Shakespeare play.
Hamlet.

I have never seen Hamlet.
In fact,
I have never had an interest in Shakespeare.
So where did that come from?

I know nothing but random thoughts.
Google knows everything,

And is much better organized.