Annoying Things (and People)

There are certain things bright on my radar screen that are really annoying. Here are a few in ascending order:

- Restaurant booths -

Most are built to fit one person. I don't think I have ever met that person. All end up with the table too far or too close to me.

Too far and you have to “feel real loose like a long neck goose” (Thank you Big Bopper) to reach your meal.

Too close and your stomach gets claustrophobia. You can pretend you are an astronaut though… confined to a tiny space.

Most of the seats are also too low.
Makes you feel like your elbows are about the same level as your ears. Yeah, I know… “maybe yours are” you say.

-Restroom blow dryers -

Am I the only one who likes to splash water on my face to freshen up a little?
Try it sometime it works great.

Only problem is you often turn to grab a paper towel and find there is nothing but a blow dryer.

Trust me. One of these doesn't work good on your face.

Doesn't work good on your hands either.
Makes them feel like you didn't wash them. Strange…

- “To be honest.” -
When I hear someone say that
I wonder… does this mean there are times when they tell me something that they are not being honest?

Should I not believe anything they say unless they preface it with “To be Honest”?

You know its really too much work for me to figure this. Just leave the phrase out… then I can believe everything you say.

- Jargon -

“Utilizing a robust interface that is at once seamless and transparent, our product facilitates your needs at any point in time”.

Can you hear my teeth grinding in the background? C'mon! Let's just say, “Use it and you will see that it always works”.

I think people who write and speak in jargon skipped 1st through 16th grade… that's why they are so impressed with hyperbole. They figure if no one understands it, it must be intelligent.

- Car doors -

So who is responsible for making car door handles I can't reach when the doors are fully open?

If I can find those people, I would like to show them how a rack works… the ancient kind… you know what I mean.

- Fifty mile an hour talkers -

There was once a time when you were on a freeway and came up on someone holding up traffic in the fast lane it was typically an old person… a person who was somewhat confused about what was going on.

Now, half the time it is someone on a cell phone who has completely lost track of what is going on around them.

It happens everywhere, not just on freeways. It's like they are saying, “I have decided to talk to someone and you will have to follow behind me… slowly while I conduct my conversation. It doesn't matter that I am taking up your time as well. As a matter of fact, I won't even notice when you finally get past me and give me the classic one finger salute”.

Now, let me “be honest” with you…
I do it too but will have to quit when the new California law kicks in on June 1st.
Except I don't slow down when I do it.
I am probably even more dangerous.

- My wife Julieann Marie -

You see, she has been spoiling me for 40 years now. It's working.
I wish she would quit. It's really annoying.
No I don't… and no it's not.

- Me -

Yup, here it is coming in at #1.
I annoy myself more than anything.
I mean, I can say something stupid that will leave everyone around me shaking their heads... “WHAT did he say”?
You know me. So you know that.