Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Bullet Train Effect

The pernicious, noxious fumes blasted through his nostrils like a speeding “Shinkansen,” the 300 km/h train that connects Tokyo and Osaka, and as he woke from a deep slumber he realized he had accidentally tucked his head under the covers while bunking with his old pal, Aught; a pal who enjoyed a world-wide reputation for emitting things rank at all hours.

(I need help with this sentence.  I need to know how to make it worse... and it should stay at 50-60 words or less.)  If you have ideas please share them with me.  Thanks! 

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