Saint... ah, Thomas - well... sort of

They moved to Ohio
Via a short stay (2-3 yrs) in Michigan
It was lock, stock and barrel
Well there wasn't any stock of course
Probably no locks or barrels either
It was just them and everything they owned
In and on an old '49 Pontiac (I think - coulda' been a Chevy.)
(Here's a link to more on that!)

Catholic Church/School, Huron Ohio
He was there... fifth through eighth grade
Sister Arcadia, the Principal...
A real Nunzilla she was

Arcadia once took him into the cloak room
Tugged sharply on his ear
Gave him a smack on the face
And essentially told him to
Shape up or else

Sister James, sixth grade teacher... 

His Earth Angel
Sister James once took him aside
And told him how bright he was
That he had a fine future in store

His Dad was the janitor
His Aunt ran the cafeteria
He was an altar boy

After hours no one was ever surprised to see him there

In the building that contained church, school and cafeteria
He often served Mass seven days a week
He was filled with curiosity and a need for adventure
That prompted him to sneak tastes of altar wine
The taste was never any good to him
He kept at it for the excitement though

(Certain priests would nudge the chalice 
With their fingers positioned in saintly fashion,  
For more to drink during Mass 
So he would just keep pouring until they nudged again...
signalling "stop")

Yup - they looked like this!

He also discovered how to pilfer school lunch tokens
And had them hidden all over
The combined school and church building
It was a twisted entrepreneurial move
Netting him the buck and a half a week
Mom coughed up for his lunches

When he was twelve he was elected to the #2 position
In the altar boys, "Vice President Grand Knight Commander"
True, there weren't many voters
It was a fine title for a little thief though
Whose related shenanigans
And relentless pursuit of the "Watermelon Effect"
(You might remember this from the "Hayseed" chapter.)
Wouldn't stop until he was 15 and spent a night in jail
(If you are thinking "scared straight", you are right.)

Still, at that age it seemed to him he was destined for serious Catholicism
So he volunteered to become a Maryknoll missionary
They had a high school for aspiring priests in Syracuse, New York
Maryknoll priests came to interview him
He tried to guess the right answers
And pass them along to make the priests happy
He never found out how that went
Because he was soon too preoccupied
By man's all time greatest distraction

(Yes, he was a pandering puppy back then,
Some called it "charming".
In any event a habit that is tough to break.)

Huron, Ohio beach

During that same period
(summer between 8th and 9th grade)
He was swimming in Lake Erie one day
Right at the beach
By "Laylin's Court",
The combination cabin and trailer park
They lived in

Among others in the water that day
There was a girl, petite, from Ireland,
Or maybe Scotland
Raised in the the South
Who had a wonderful mixed Irish/Scottish and Southern U.S. accent and smile - Patty Markin

They exchanged a few insults and rude remarks
And immediately fell in love...fatuation
Patty's dad worked in an auto factory in Norwalk
They lived in one of the trailers in Laylin's Court
Patty was 'Trailer Treasure" of the highest order

He quickly decided he wasn't cut out to be a priest
Instead, he became dedicated to
Hot pursuit of the opposite sex and true love
A pursuit he would fail at repeatedly,
Sometimes on purpose, until his early twenties

There was a problem though...
The transition from 8th grade and Catholic school
To 9th grade and public school
Was pretty much like getting out of prison
There were so many new (wrong) things to do!

It made him soon Shuck the Shackles of Sainthood
To pursue the Shady Side of Sin - well... sort of.
He was kind of headed in that direction anyway...

(Next chapter: Sinner - it's just a temporary job...)